Nate Was Here

Name This Podcast!

2010-07-14T10:43:00.000-07:00

So I joined a crew of two of my friends to start doing a podcast. So Name This Podcast was born...You can listen to/DL the first episode right here - http://www.archive.org/details/NTP-Episode1 .

Enjoy! Or hate it...

2010-07-13T23:12:00.001-07:00

Taylor Swift Wants Me...

2010-05-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

Taylor Swift wants my body (well, who wouldn't), but I don't want hers. She reminds me of the way the aliens in Mars Attacks dressed up as humans (a movie that for some reason scared the LIVING BEJEEZUS out of me as a kid...there...I said it...happy?).

Anyway, here's why...I just walked in on my dad and his ladyfriend who were finishing up the movie Valentine's Day. In the credits of the movie, they play that "Today Was a Fairytale" song. They shut off the movie (rightly so), and meander off as I play on Facebook in the living room (yeah...it's Saturday night...so?). For some reason (melodic catchiness) I can't get that damn swift song out of my fucking head. All I keep hearing is "Todayyyy was a fairytaaaaaleeeee".

Finally, as it starts to wane from my brain, I calm down. But then I hear it again, and it sounds different. I notice that my dad's ladyfriend's (apostrophe's) phone is nearby and I figure maybe she has the song as her heinous ringtone for some reason, but the phone isn't lighting up.

But I know I'm not crazy, I'm DEFINITELY hearing this song...I wander around as the song grows louder...I enter the garage and walk to the workbench we have, where an alarm clock is placed (its always been there...). It's radio alarm has gone off, and the station its set to, is playing Taylor Fucking Swift (Nate Fucking Morguelan has a better ring to it I think...) and they're playing the damn fairytale song.

Why?

-Still no threesome.........shut up, Jake...I have 7 more months so you can just suck it...

ChatRoulette Screenshots 1

2010-04-05T19:44:00.000-07:00

I love ChatRoulette...its the best...but I can't get into how much I love it and why right now do to me being busy talking to a girl on it, as I write this...but I need to upload a couple great screenshots...so that you can know, what I do on CR...

NWH's Threesome Quest: Day 50

2010-02-21T22:22:00.000-08:00

First off, no it hasn't happened yet, but interesting shit has. What's weird, is that I'm taking this quest at a lackadaisical pace. I really do feel that it's going to happen, and obviously happen before the year is up (please god...I would really like to have sex this year...) and because of my confidence in the completion of the task, I haven't really been working towards it. Also, I feel that nothing huge ever gets accomplished immediately...I kinda see this happening in month 6 or 7...I guess I just like the summer...

Anyway...My staunch resolve to not have sex before having it with two girls at once has officially gotten in the way of me having sex...Yeah...go figure...I actually am not having sex with a girl who likes me currently because I'm going for the threesome instead. This fact, has brought the threesome a little bit closer to the forefront of my mind, though. Which is why I made the rule in the beginning anyway...

Maybe she'll give in and have a threesome with another girl, although I doubt it...so I'll just keep on searching...

In month 9 or 10 if I still haven't acquired the threesome badge for my boy scout scarf thing...I may lower my standards and experiment with...gasp...The Secret...Oh god...please don't let that happen...

Tiffani Amber-Alert Thiessen

2010-01-19T04:37:00.000-08:00

My sleep schedule is a little bit ridiculous. Currently I sleep twice a day, for about five hours. I'll go to sleep at like 5 in the morning, sleep till 10 or so, stay up for a few hours, and then fall asleep for another super nap. It makes the days melt together, and I might be going crazy.

Anyway, I'm up at 6 a.m. still, watching Saved By The Bell...and its awesome. It makes me feel like I'm back in elementary school again waiting for the bus as I watch early morning TV.

All I can really think about though, is how hot Kelly Kapowski STILL IS. I mean, of all the pre-adolescent crushes to have, she may very well be the top of the list...I mean, its like her and then maybe Jessica Rabbit. Oh the things I would do to both of those fine ladies...

Of course, then it hit me...Kelly is super hot...But she's also super...wait for it...SIXTEEN. Yeah, that's right, I just proclaimed my carnal lust for a beyond under-age female (at least that's fine for consent in Kentucky...)

As a psychology major, I can at least convince myself that this is some sort of retro-active memory where I retained my original 10 year old feelings for a 16 year old...and its not just that I'm a creepy old man now...

But I probably am...Speaking of...I have been busy getting some stuff together for my zombie movie project, so the threesome has been on the back burner...but, school is about to be back in session, which means going out and talking to girls...

Love, Nate

The Year of the Threesome: Night Zero

2010-01-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

Last night (New Years Eve) was fun, but I wasn't fully focusing on getting a threesome already since it wasn't really part of the new year until after midnight. So for the most part, the night was uneventful, I didn't even really talk to many girls who weren't in our group.

However, I did use this gem of a line on a lack girl. "How about we go back to my place and make a President later?" (line courtesy of Bill Dawes)...Needless to say, she loved it, and we danced a bit.

I also noticed that now, instead of me saying "Man I would love to have sex with that girl", I now say "Man I would love to have sex with that girl and one of her friends."

Go figure.

Nate WILL Have A Threesome This Year

2009-12-31T15:03:00.000-08:00

I have a new goal.

Wait...I have an old goal, with a newfound fervor for completing it. To hell with all the lame-ass New Years resolutions that I hear. I'm going to have a threesome this year, finally; and I'm going to be dedicating this blog (or a new blog I create, which I will link to) to the completion of the task at hand. The best part is that I will not have sex with just one girl until I have sex with two at the same time, that's right...you heard/read it here...I won't have sex until I have a threesome (so I might go sexless in 2010)...this could be a looong blog.

Just in case you were wondering:

-No dudes (thank you, Jay)
-No hookers or strippers or any form of payment outside of buying drinks at a bar (and yes I realize that strippers aren't paid sex workers...EXCEPT FOR THEY ARE...If you are a stripper and have a gripe about this, then

A. You are the only true stripper (oh, sorry, exotic dancer) on the planet

or

B. You're lying...or laying...either way, you can suck it...which you probably would do if I payed you.

-Both girls will be at least a 6...I could've accomplished this already if I was less picky...But hey..I have some morals.

Keep you posted...

Dolla Dolla Bills, Yo

2009-11-09T11:55:00.000-08:00

I just got an invite for one of those damn Facebook “Causes”. First off, I’ve never accepted one of those…ever…and I probably never will, either. Secondly, this cause was to join the petition against Facebook becoming a paysite.

I’ve seen the hubbub before concerning paying for Facebook, and I’m tired of seeing everyone flip the fuck out about it.

Guess what. I think Facebook should cost money. GASP! Do I think it should cost a lot of money? No. I think about 5 bucks a year would make Facebook incredibly better for us on the whole. Have you ever joined a site that needs to be payed for before? If you’re bitching about Facebook becoming a paysite, then you probably haven’t. Here’s what happens when you pay for shit – ADVERTISEMENTS GO AWAY, among other things.

The Facebook team would be able to do more for us if we paid them a measly couple bucks a year, and there would be a shit ton more options for us as users. Hell, I don’t really give a fuck if they make it a paysite…what they should do is make it possible to donate, and if you donate, then you’re a member who gets better privileges (better stalking???) or something like that.

Dear people who are bitching,

Stop bitching. Do you realize how much Facebook has actually done for you without costing a cent? Your 1000 pictures would be gone without Facebook (at least the ones you’re in but didn’t take) and your long lost besties would still be long lost. So shut up and toss Facebook a couple dollars if it comes to it. The world won’t end. I promise.

Love, Nate

***From my editor:

"they wouldn't make more money they'd make a lot less. advertising dollars are worth more than subscription rates. like magazines. that's why they won't ever make it a paysite"

Nate = owned

Just because you're on Facebook doesn't mean you need to fuck spelling and grammar in the ass.

2009-10-26T15:20:00.000-07:00

The shortest version of this blog is the title. From here on out I'm just going to bitch about it.

SERIOUSLY. What the fuck is wrong with most of you. Let me ask you a question-

How much time do you really save when you type this as a status:

"u r truely a dumb girl... pitty u'll learn the hard way... I tried helping u."

Versus:

"You are truly a dumb girl...Pity you'll learn the hard way...I tried helping you."

Come on, really? This isn't even the worst example I could find, this was just one of the recent ones that came to mind.

I love slang, and I use slang, so I have no qualms there...but when the hell did it become cool to just fuck the spelling of other words and disregard grammar. If you're writing a status, then those words are something that everyone is going to see. Do you really want to appear fucking retarded?

When you ritually spell things wrong, be it on Facebook or anywhere on the internet, your brain gets used to it. Next thing you know you're going to be putting "thurr" instead of "there" on a final paper for a class or even worse, a job application. Step your game up, retards.

Then again...your lack of general spelling and grammar makes it even easier for me to succeed. So never mind, keep it up.

"Where The Wild Things Are" Is A Shitty Book, Even For Kids

2009-10-19T12:41:00.000-07:00

I thought I loved "Where The Wild Things Are", the book. Of course, this thought of mine was only a memory from my childhood. I only remembered a short picture story about Max and the Wild Things. I didn't remember what actually happened when you boiled the book down (and that is saying something, concerning boiling down about 20 pages is...a task). I'm sure many of you share the same sentiments, by holding the nostalgia of the book at face value. In lieu of the movie's release, I decided that I would re-read WTWTA. After spending a minute and a half reading the book and staring at the pictures, I came to the decision that:

"Where The Wild Things Are" is a shitty book, even for kids.

Shocked? Maybe you don't remember what happened...Let me refresh your memory.

Max is scampering about being a shitty kid one night (whatever, its expected, he is a kid, this is not my qualm with the book). Max's mother sends him to bed without any dinner. Max's mother is a shitty mother by the way, feed your kids. If your kids are being little fucks, then only feed them vegetables. Anyway, Max escapes to the land of the wild things, where he meets the said beasts. He shows them a magic trick and they make Max their king. They honored Max with the highest possible position in their kingdom. So Max cues the rumpus, and the wild things...err...rump around.

So far so good.

Then Max stops the rumpus and sends the Wild Things off to bed, without supper. Sensing a problem here? I am. Max was rumpus-ing around at home, he gets sent to bed without dinner, and is upset at that. So Max escapes to the land of The Wild Things, where he starts his own rumpus yet again. Then he sends the wild things off to bed without supper.

WHAT THE FUCK. Have you not learned ANYTHING, Max? These creatures make you their king and it takes you 4 pictures and not a single word to fuck them over? ARE YOU SERIOUS? If Hitler, Marx, and Castro had a three-way and created a love-spawn demon-child it would be a better ruler then you were.

Max then realizes he is lonely BECAUSE HE FUCKED ALL OF HIS FRIENDS OVER AND SENT THEM TO BED WITHOUT FOOD. So Max leaves his loyal subjects (for the better) to go back home. Max finds dinner on his table because his mom realized she shouldn't malnourish her children unless she wants a custody hearing from the state. Mom learned and made dinner, Max left The Wild Things with nothing.

Worst. Protagonist. Ever.

Strike One Katy Perry...Strike One...

2009-10-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

I liked Katy Perry's first two singles. I may have considered them guilty pleasures, but I liked them; however, the new one sucks. It isn't catchy, It isn't edgy, and it doesn't even make sense. Her song-form of "The Hangover" has the lyric:

"that's what you get for waking up in Vegas"

...No you dumb bitch...that's what you get for getting hammered in Vegas...or doing methamphetamine in Vegas...I don't know why that line irks me so much, but c'mon, how hard could it be to work the lyrics around to make a lick of sense.

Not hard. You make millions, Katy Perry, try making sense too.

Love,
Nate

"I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" Review

2009-09-20T23:12:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure of attending one of the premiere screenings of the movie “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” in Lexington, Kentucky on September 10th. I walked in to the theater as a fan, having read nearly all of Tucker’s stories since he was introduced to me about five years ago, and ruthlessly following the production blog, which chronicled the making of the movie for the past 18 months. Because of these things, surely my review will be biased and fan driven, instead of critic driven; please keep this in mind as you read further. Nevertheless, I tried to look at the film from an outsider’s perspective.

If you are a fan of Tucker's, then the odds are incredibly high that you are going to love this movie. Tucker Max and Nils Parker, writers and producers of the movie, took the best stories and jokes from the book which contained many completely unconnected adventures and wove them into one seamless plotline.

Even if you have read the book over and over, the movie will feel like a completely new story to you. The plot is loosely based off on one of Tucker’s longer stories (The Austin Road Trip), but it took more than that single tale to create a movie. Tucker and Nils often stated during the question and answer sessions at the premiere that “they couldn’t have just taken each of the stories from the book and made a film…that would have been a “Family Guy” episode instead of a movie”. “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” follows Tucker (Matt Czuchry) as he convinces his engaged best friend to change the current location of his bachelor party to a much better, raunchier strip club that is three and a half hours away. The ensuing road trip ends in disaster and leaves Tucker uninvited to the wedding. Tucker has to find a way to get back in the good graces of his best friend and attempt to get a hold of his own narcissism along the way.

The movie’s fast pace and rapid-fire jokes are sure to make you leave the theater with a stomach sore from all the laughter. You will have to see the movie more than once to even be able to catch all of the funny lines in it. Due to the consistent stream of the jokes, until the laughter has died down (which doesn’t happen often) you can’t even hear the actors. Granted I was in a theater filled with fans.
“Beer in Hell” doesn’t just rely on comedy to make sure you enjoyed yourself in the theater. Several times during the movie I found myself feeling like I was two inches away from the characters when things got real, thank you Bob Gosse (Director) and Suki Medencevic (Director of Photography). Feeling so drawn in to what the characters are doing is what will help this movie expand out of the target younger demographic and into a four quadrant movie (young male, young female, older male, older female). The mix of humor with real relationships at best parallels “Wedding Crashers” which previously held the comedy box office record until "The Hangover" beat it out.

The three male leads (Matt Czuchry as Tucker, Geoff Stults as Dan, and Jesse Bradford as Drew) all nailed their roles, respectively. Matt pulls off an amazing job as Tucker by balancing being an asshole and somehow being always able to win back the favor of others when it is needed. Geoff portrays the best friend that many of us have and know first hand; he is there for his friends and a stellar person through and through. Jesse…where to start? Jesse plays the character Drew, who has just broken up with his girlfriend (you’ll have to see the movie to know what happened, no spoilers here) and absolutely despises all women with a passion. He steals scenes throughout the entire movie, and stealing scenes from Matt’s Tucker is a feat in itself. Jesse, at times, is a bit overbearing to the viewer. The nearly non-stop onslaught of insults can at times be slightly too much. However, as the movie progresses, he begins to lighten up a little bit, which I found welcome.

The two female leads (Keri Lynn Pratt as Kristy, and Marika Dominczyk as Lara) not only knock it out of the park, but also were capable of helping Tucker and Nils to create two of the strongest female characters I have seen in almost any movie. Tucker often has to state that he loves women in response to protesters saying the opposite. “If I truly hated women, why would half of my fans be women?” He posed the continuously unanswered question to the protesters of his movie. Kerri Lynn Pratt even flew out to one of the premiere stops to talk with the protesters about how strong the female characters were in the movie and back up Tucker and Nils. Keri stated at the stop she attended that “while the script, which was definitely raunchy, and does have a lot of…Tucker…in it, it also has female characters that are very strong, stronger than women I’ve seen in any other comedy.”

My final opinion is to go see this movie as soon as possible. If you want to laugh your ass off and come out of a movie feeling genuinely pleased, then “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” is for you. Get up, grab your best friends (maybe even your mother if she has a sense of humor), and go enjoy yourself. Be on the lookout for the most epic shit scene you will ever see in a movie, and a few cameos along the way. Hell, if you don’t like it, I’ll buy you a beer.

Thriller Killer

2009-09-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

Five years ago, you could have asked me what my favorite Michael Jackson song was, and I would have responded with 'Thriller'. Today; not so much. Why?

BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE PLAYING THE DAMN SHIT OUT OF THRILLER ON EVERY FUCKING JUKEBOX EVER.

That's why. People are now playing ridiculous amounts of MJ because he is dead, not because he was a great musician. This pisses me off. I often don't listen to my favorite artists for some time because I want to ensure that I never get sick of them, and that is what should be going on now.

Here's a message to anyone thinking about playing MJ on a jukebox, anywhere: Don't.

Wait for me to do it. That way none of us will get sick of it.

Peace.
Nate

P.S. - I hope he's alive and pulling the best trick ever on the entire world.

Questions

2009-09-06T15:59:00.000-07:00

On Thursday morning I will be meeting up with Tucker Max and crew to hang out with them for two days and do my piece on what its like going from a blogger to a feature length movie writer/producer. If anyone has any questions that they would like me to ask, please put them in a comment down below and I'll be sure to ask them for you.

Thanks!

Bring It On, John

2009-08-19T02:45:00.000-07:00

Dexter Dexter Dexter...I can talk for days about how damn good this showtime original series is. In fact, as soon as this season is over, I will most likely be deeming it the best show ever. So naturally, as the fall season is approaching, I am excited for my favorite show to return.

Well I am more than excited...I'm errr, super excited? Why you ask? Because John Lithgow is playing a serial murderer in the new season of Dexter...YES...AWESOME...

Now, I'm not a huge John Lithgow fan or anything. Don't get me wrong, 3rd Rock From The Dun was a funny show, and who doesn't love him as King Farquaad, but who is really a huge Lithgow fan? After viewing the promo for season 4 of Dex and seeing him at work...I am, thats who...

Sometimes a casting director hits the nail on the head, and this is one of those times. Bring it on, John...

Big News, Big Posts Coming!

2009-08-04T14:52:00.000-07:00

So in the September issue of ROR I will be doing a very special three part blog (or maybe article, not sure yet) concerning a movie that I am rather excited for.

It's been a long time since I started this blog, but if you were there from the beginning, you may remember when I was talking about my influences as a writer. One of the influences was Tucker Max (Tuckermax.com). Well Tucker Max wrote a book which contained all of his stories, "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell", which sold a million copies and could be found on the NY Times Best Seller List. Now, finally, the book has become a movie which will be found in theaters September 25th.

So, here's the deal. Instead of the typical LA movie premiere, Tucker, Nils (co-writer and producer), and some of the producers and actors are touring the country on a bus, stopping in 30 cities, and doing premieres there. All before the movie even comes out.

Here's where I come in. I've talked with Nils and I have been invited to meet them in Lexington for the premiere there, hang out with them and party with them at night after the show; then ride with them on the bus up to Bloomington for the premiere the following night. After all of this craziness, I'm gonna do a piece on -

1. What its like going from being an internet blogger to a writer and producer of a worldwide feature film.

2. A review of the movie. And

3. A chronicling of the two days that I'll be spending with the guys drinking and partying with their fans...just to make you jealous...

I'll be done with the premieres on the 12th of September, and I'll have the articles up shortly after.

This is big, I am excited, and I wanna write some stuff that my readers will enjoy reading, so that's what I'm going to do.

www.ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com is hosting everything about the movie, including the greenband trailer. Keep in mind when viewing the trailer that they went with a new philosophy of keeping the funniest jokes in movie, not in the trailer (a good idea by the way).

The Gods Of Laziness Have Shone Down Upon Me

2009-07-12T00:30:00.000-07:00

I tend to be pretty lazy, and I tend to enjoy that. Hell, I sat watching 'music and lyrics' on tv the other day because I was too lazy to search for something better on...and the remote was right next to me. I didn't even care that I was watching commercials (my brain might be fried).

So you can imagine how lazy I am in the morning (even lazier). Usually I get woken up and have to do some sort of chore or something; and yesterday morning was looking to be no exception...I went to pay my utilities the day beforehand for the apt but I paid with a check instead of cash/card, and I paid on the very last day possible as well. So yesterday morning I'm all snuggly under my covers when I hear "Hey Nate...uhhhh...the power went out". I looked at my clock and saw that indeed the power was out. 'Fuck' is the choice word that runs through my head. Apparently they hadn't cashed the check yet and decided to kill our power since we were delinquent on the bill. And since I usually take care of the utilities for the apt it was my job to call them and explain that we had actually paid, it just hadn't gone through yet. The fact that I was going to have to get out of bed, find the utility company's number, call and talk to someone, and get our power back made me exceptionally unhappy...especially at 9 in the morning. I covered my head with my pillow and sheets and wished the problem would just go away (this rarely works). I heard a click and a hum all of the sudden...My mini-fridge had turned on...I looked at my clock...flashing the "12:00" that we know so well from every VCR EVER. We had power back! They must have realized that we had paid right after they cut our power out in the first place.

I went back to sleep, in all of my glory. Score one for nate.

New Slang

2009-07-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I coin a cool phrase. Probably the most useful/fun one is when something gets "lost in textlation'. Yeah, that's right. You heard (read) it here first. And if you didn't then lemme know who/where you heard it first so that I can dispose of that person/thing (and the evidence)(and by evidence I mean you...)

"Lost in textlation" comes in handy all the time in the text messaging world. Millions of us (or possibly just a few of us) still cry out for things like italics or bold options for text in messages, but we still have no way to emphasize things (see 'The Slash' btw). And because of the lack of emphasis in texts sometimes we get things confused...That's when things get lost in textlation...

Ok, that's all for now folks...next time I coin something you'll be the first to know, promise.

New (and GOOD) Summer TV

2009-06-30T23:45:00.000-07:00

Three (new) shows have caught my eye this summer. So if you get bored in the dog days...Don't go out in the sun...Oh no...Stay in and watch some TV!!!

3. Royal Pains (USA Network)- Hank is a doctor. Hank gets fired. Hank goes to The Hamptons. Hank gets job doing doctory things for the super wealthy and is now getting paaaaiiiiiiidddddd. The show stars a bunch of nobodies (except the stoner from 'Road Trip') who are all doing a damn good job of getting this show rolling for a bright and fun future. Want an easy to watch and carefree show? Watch Royal Pains.

2. Nurse Jackie (Showtime) - 'Nurse Jackie' is Edie Falco's new jig (the wife of Tony Soprano btw). She plays a nurse in inner city NY if I'm not mistaken. While she works she has an incredibly intimate affair with the pharmacist, a strong friendship with a posh doctor, and a Cox/JD type mentor relationship with her new trainee. Edie Falco is a solid anchor for a show with amazing writing (so far), but the posh doc and JD trainee are the scene stealers...Check out 'Nurse Jackie for a high quality drama all summer.

1. Hung (HBO) - I was drunk when I saw the first promo for HBO's new drama 'Hung'. Nevertheless I thought it looked fucking stellar; and after watching the pilot I still have really high hopes. To be brutally to the plot; a down on his luck high school teacher with a big dick decides to take up being a giggolo as his side job to make extra cash. This plot premise; while ludicrous and almost seemingly similar to other shows/movies is filled with genuine characters and interestingly good acting. It is the newest of my summer three (the pilot just being shown a day ago) however in my opinion it also has the most promise of anything new that I've seen since Dexter (the best show on TV)...Watch 'Hung' if you feel like watching some good god damned TV for once (is my prediction, I hope they keep it as good as the pilot promises...)

What I mean when I say "Car Shopping"

2009-06-29T23:32:00.000-07:00

This story could alternately be titled "How I Acquired My Copy of 'Jackass: The Movie' on DVD.

At some point in my high school career me and my group of friends did something we called "Car Shopping". We would roam around neighborhoods at 2 or three in the morning and look for cars that had been left unlocked. We would then proceed to "shop" around inside the cars for anything that we may have found that was valuable; and we found some valuable shit. Most notably a taser (the worst thing a group of high school boys could find).

So I stole a lot of shit when I was younger. Hell, I stole a golf cart one time (ironically my moped was stolen on the same night...thank you karma). I got a great rush out of it and found it mentally challenging, which was fun. By the way, it was never mentally challenging at an airport. I stole so much shit at airports it was unbelievable; the stores hire help that doesn't give a shit and all the real security is focused on the safety of others, not thievery. Where I'm going with this is that I became a huge fan of car shopping, since in its own little way, it was like teaching the car owners a lesson: LOCK YOUR DOORS...

So I liked car shopping. I liked it so much that when I went on my perennial vacation to Hilton Head I just had to tell my slightly older cousin about it so that we could go; and that is what we did.

Now here is where the heart of the story lies. Me and my cousin went car shopping around our giant fucking neighborhood in HHI. We had some realllllly close calls with 'the authorities' on the island and even had a small time chase scene where we needed to run back to our house as security cars roamed the streets looking for us. Now that was exciting since we had to run by a lagoon in the dark of night to remain out of sight from security...a lagoon that had gators in it...But before we had our close call, we opened up a new white honda civic to see if there was anything good lying inside. I was rummaging around and found a copy of 'Jackass: The Movie'. I was pumped, I had heard it was hilarious and was totally happy with the find. That's when I saw what was laying under the dvd case though. It was a brand new Macbook. I know it was brand new, because that's when they came out with the first really cool one (I hate Macs, but for the sake of the story, it was badass). My eyes lit up, I'm sure. I couldn't possibly conceive the idea that someone would leave their car unlocked with an expensive laptop in it (and those macbooks when they first came out were not cheap). I showed my cousin and we flipped out, this was a goldmine! He reached to pick it up and I told him to wait a second. It struck me that while I enjoy stealing things, I usually do it because its exciting or I legitimately want something. And I also remembered that I like to car shop to teach people a lesson. I convinced my cousin that we should leave the laptop and not brutally fuck someone over, and then we left. I took the copy of Jackass and made it obvious that someone went through their car, leaving the laptop out on the open seat. Hopefully they learned their lesson.

I find this story really interesting. I loved stealing but didn't really want to seriously ruin someone's month. We took things of value, but never anything like a brand new laptop. I guess part of my conscience spoke up at the time. Since then I pretty much stopped stealing. I guess it just kinda woke me up a little bit. I relish the days though. It certainly was a rush...Now I just live vicariously through my roommate Sean who steal produce from Kroger's by just leaving it in his cart and checking out at the U-Scan...Awesome...

...I can't get arrested via internet blogging...this isn't evidence, right?

damn souls..

2009-06-11T22:01:00.000-07:00

This was just now...I realize you could read this at any time...so it was 12:38 am (thats night time if you forget the 12 pm/am like me)

Nate:i think i have a soul now and it sucks...all i had to do was make a tiny little lie and i couldve gotten sex...and i didnt...fuckses

Sean:what lie

Nate:ehhh something about potential for a relationship or something lame like that

Sean: ohhh, with herpes girl

Nate: but nooooo nate had to be nice or something...yeah, i cant stand the level of dumb it reached

Sean: so she wouldn't one night stand it, that sucks

Nate: well, she wouldn't friend sex it either...i mean, i was thinking like...3 night stand

Sean:ohhh, gotcha

Nate: oh well

Sean: she just not right for nate?

Nate: ok, imagine it this way..with me...you know me, and whenever i bring up something related to dmb, the servant, moontaxi, the matrix, beer brewing...anything..i try to divulge some sort of new information or neat fact that you haven't heard so that you can learn something...well what if every time one of those came up i just said "OH MY GOD THATS MY FAVORITE" about everything...how long would it be before you moved out/shot me

Sean: so you don't think she's being genuine? or even if she is, its just too annoying

Nate:oh no, i believe its genuine, genuinely stupid...and she doesn't get my jokes; thats like criteria #1. i feel weird because ive never really said that...but shes just not the brightest bunny in the mansion

Sean: she's too infatuated with you

Nate: that too

Sean: but anyhoo, i gotta go to bed

Nate: not infatuated enough to suck a dick though...heyo!...ok, ttyl...im turning this into a blog post

Sean: do it...later

Nate: peace

Slightly edited for fluidity/grammar...not much else...I love that my fb chats are blog worthy...at least worthy enough when i'm too lazy to post anything real...

So in this case, concerning the Sad Girl/Angry Girl Paradox...it ended up being sad girl...oh well...next girl will be angry, I promise...

Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/natewashere

"Hero-ette"

2009-06-10T11:12:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I've been gone for a week or so on vacation in HHI; my favorite place in the world. If you know me, you've heard me talk about it relentlessly; and with reason, it is a wonderful place and wonderful stories come from visiting there. Here is one of at least two posts.

It all starts at the pool. My dad was sitting around the pool that sits in the middle of our tiny little neighborhood known as Huntington. There's a decent amount of families that visit with kids, so naturally the pool can get populated with some chilluns'. Well, a little girl who was too young to swim was walking by the edge of the pool while my dad was sitting around reading, and she fell in. My dad noticed this, and looked around to see that no one had even noticed this. So he walked over to the edge of the pool and pulled the little girl out; then he walked back to his book and started reading again.

From that point on we started calling my dad the "Hero of Huntington". I'm rather fond of alliteration...and being able to say Huntington whenever possible since it warms my soul. We utilized the new nick name as much as possible and even started singing the Indiana Jones theme song (since my dad tends to wear a fedora also...when he feels like saving kids). It was great.

Later that night, the big group of cousins and friends were meeting up at the pool for a late night swim. One of my cousins is walking into the vicinity and she has her towel wrapped around her shoulders and one of our crew makes the joke that she has a cape on. I decide to run with the "Hero of Huntington" joke a bit more by saying:

"The Heroine of Huntington is here!"

My cousin looks at me a little strangely and I notice that everyone else kinda went quiet for a second. That's when I realized that:

1. She hadn't heard the story of my dad saving the kid earlier...

2. She hadn't heard his new nickname...

and the kicker

3. She's a recovering Heroin addict.

yyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

The Sad Girl Angry Girl Paradox

2009-05-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

This post may sound like the title to an episode of 'The Big Bang Theory', but I assure you that it has a very different subject matter.

Several times in my life I have found myself in a certain predicament; a predicament where as far as I can see, there are only two possible outcomes. This predicament presents itself when I find myself in the beginnings of what might or might not be a relationship with a girl, or whatever you normies call it; and the only two outcomes are 1. A sad girl, or 2. An angry girl.

The reason that these are the only two options has to do with the thing that makes the world go 'round. The thing that drives us all. No, not money. Sex. I like fornicating; its awesome. And I like doing it with girls too, the only problems are that girls like relationships, and that I'm so damn picky (way too picky for my own good, honestly) that I don't want to date 99% of them; but, I want to sleep with them.

So, I test the waters relationship-wise. I'm nice, funny, attractive (to some gals); and then girls start to like me, but I don't like them that much when I think about dating them, but I still want to sleep with them! So when a girl starts to like me and I know it, and I basically have the option to get to fuckin'...I realize that without me dating said girl I have two outcomes. I can fuck the girl who I don't want to date and she'll be pissed off when she realizes that I'm not dating her. Or, I can cut it off by being a gentleman and not sleeping with girl; which then she ends up being sad because she liked someone who basically had to shut them down because for some reason they didn't feel like being a dick for once.

I guess that guys find themselves in this situation once in a while and that I'm really not that special for being in it...However I think that I find myself in it way too often for my own good is more the thing that I'm driving at.

Nate needs less morals, basically...

I am the best friend in the world

2009-05-28T12:40:00.000-07:00

This conversation took place after me and one of the roommates returned from an incredibly long night out with some female acquaintances of ours. It is the real conversation, and the real story (which I totally enjoyed being a part of, and telling several times to everyone who would listen). The only changes that have been made are to fix typos and grammar to make it flow a little smoother, because facebook chat sucks.

5:51 AM
Nate: I am the best friend in the world

Nick: how so?

Nate: Me and one of my roommates, Sean, went out tonight with a couple girls. One girl Sean used to date or something and the other girl is her friend who likes me now. The girl Sean used to date (Andrea) was a RETARDED BITCH beyond comprehension...

Break from convo to catch you up: Andrea was becoming more and more annoying as the night went on. It all started in the bar we were at when she could no longer argue the points she was trying to make. After the bar, Sarah (the girl who likes me) convinced us to go back to her house to hang out more.

...Well, at like 5 20 we decided to leave Sarah's house because we were tired of hearing the stupid ass shit come out of Andrea's mouth. Seriously, at one point I said to myself "the next stupid thing she says I am gonna get up and just go"...

Break again: The only reason I was even staying up till this point is because Sarah wanted in my pants and had made it obvious rather obvious. If she was to say the title of my blog the next day, she would say it and then point south.

...like 4 minutes later Andrea was 4 stupid things past her quota. So we get up and leave. Out in the back yard as we're walking to our car Sarah comes out to find me and then continues to try to convince me to stay. She's being incredibly sensual about it and pulling all her sexy female tricks out of the bag.

Break!: Now I need to let you know as a reader that we weren't just leaving because I wanted to, no no no, we both really wanted to get the hell out of there. It's one thing for me to think Andrea is a retard and dislike her, but for Sean, the situation would have been incredibly awkward for the rest of the night and I didn't want to leave him in that situation if I went to go fuck Sarah. So:

...Sean and I are telling her that we'll see her tomorrow, and it's late, and every fucking excuse in the god damn world not to stay and listen to dumb bitch 3000 anymore, to put it lightly; but Sarah is drunk and not grasping the fact that we just aren't staying. Sean is arguing another worthless point, trying to explain that we're leaving because he didn't want to be put in such a bad situation with Andrea, and Sarah still wont give up. An idea pops into my head...I say this, and this is verbatim..."Sarah. I have herpes." (and I nailed the delivery, too)

Nick:XD

Nate: she freaks out and runs inside, and finally we walk off to our car to leave for home. It...was...epic...

Nick: hahaha, but... now you'll never get so screw this girl lol

Nate: well...about 3 or 4 minutes after we left Sean got a call from her trying to get him to convince me to come back...so either:

1. she was so drunk she forgot I had Herpes...

2. she realized I was lying...

Or

3. she doesn't mind herpes

Nick: i'm gonna go with 1

Nate: well, I think its a mix of 1 and 2. She was drunk, and I think that's why she believed it in the first place...but only for so long

Nick: lol

Nate: thought you'd enjoy that...I'm in town by the way, this crazy shit doesn't happen in bg...as often...ok maybe yeah...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As it turns out, I probably should have stayed to fuck Sarah. Andrea bolted from the house as soon as we left so we could have gone back with out having to put up with her shit anymore. Nevertheless, you can't beat a good 'bros before hoes' story...

The only things standing in my way...

2009-05-19T13:17:00.000-07:00

Welcome to summer everybody! As a preface to this post, the blogging isn't gonna stop just because school is out. So don't worry, you'll have plenty of NWH to read during your boring ass summer.

So, school is out. This is great. This is what we wait for all school year. Yeah winter break is great, but summer is WHERE ITS AT. And just like every other summer, I'm sure you are bored as hell already. Well, me too.

I've realized in my summer boredom that I really still like drinking a lot, duh. During the school year though, there were things that kept me from drinking every night though. Things like waking up in the morning (my least favorite thing ever). Now in the summer when I don't have to get up and do shit like learn I can't find reasons not to go out and drink at the bars.

This has led me to the conclusion that there are only two things protecting me from future alcoholism:

1. School
2. A job

Or to put it bluntly, waking up in the morning (my least favorite thing ever, if you haven't heard) is the only thing that is keeping me from alcoholism...

DAMNIT...why couldn't it have been something more palatable...Why can't puppies be the only thing standing in the way of alcoholism???

The Saddest Day In Porn History

2009-05-15T18:34:00.000-07:00

I love porn. I am a single guy. You know these facts if you've read the blog. Time for a new fact.

I am sad.

Why? Because in my entire porn watching life (~9 years) I have never ever ever ever found a site as good as Dump.com; and today (at about 8:10 p.m. when I decided to watch some good old fashioned reaming on dump) I found out that dump.com is no longer my best friend. Dump went from being the FUCKING MECCA of porn videos updated daily to this, and I quote verbatim:

"Dump.com - The most interesting images from around the Internet. Updated daily!"

FUCK THAT. I couldn't help but notice that on the new dump that all of the options to comment on images were turned off. That's because if they were on there would be HORDES of people telling them that they (the new dump people) should go hang themselves after a nice long waterboarding from Rosie O'Donnell.

How dumb do you have to be to try to start a site that used to be an incredibly successful porn site. This is the dumbest idea ever...to put this in perspective: Making Whitehouse.com a porn site is as smart as this move was dumb.

Fuck this; I'm pissed. I had to go to my second favorite site on the web, and to tell you the truth, there is sadly a huge gap between one and two here.

ATTENTION TO MY READERS: I am well aware that many people think they have the best site ever to visit and they hold true to it. I am also well aware that there may be other good sites out there. So this is a call to arms. If you think you have a good site, post it up on the comment board. I should warn you however that every single site that has been recommended to me in the past has paled in comparison to Dump, and when I have shown Dump to others, they have been more than thankful. So this means that you have quite a task ahead of you; but if you conquer this task, I will immortalize you.

Top 3 Man Crushes

2009-05-12T23:51:00.000-07:00

So, in the midst of drinking some keystone I decided to blog...What prompted this blog you ask?

Alcohol and sexy men.

Without further ado here are my top 3 man crushes:

3. Joel Mchale- Despite the tall pale and handsome thing, Joel keeps me updated on all the reality garbage tv that I don't want to watch and all the while keeps me laughing my ass off.

2. Michael C. Hall (but only as Dexter Morgan)- Yes, I realize that in my post about man crushes I am ruling out Michael C. Hall's character in the show 'Six Feet Under'. Why? Because he is that good of an actor and I would rather my man crush be a crush instead of a full blown anal pillaging. If you haven't seen the best show on tv, period (Dexter), well...then what the FUCK are you doing reading my blog. Go watch Dexter now and you will want to make sweet sweet murderous love to Dex as much as I do; whether you are a girl or a guy.

1. Kevin Pereira- When it came down to Dexter and Kevin, I had to make a tough decision. The choice was basically a coin flip until I factored in one important thing: Kevin Pereira hosts a show with my favorite girl crush....That's right not only is he a strange combo of normal and nerdy sexy and hilariously awkward, but he works next to the hottest girl in showbiz, that is also a nerd, or something (Olivia Munn). This is what makes "attack of the show" such a killer view; raw sexy.

This blog on man crushes brought to you by keystone light...

maybe it just is that simple

2009-04-30T17:36:00.001-07:00

In middle school, I was popular. No, I didn't date a cheerleader (or really anyone for that matter), and no I wasn't on a sports team (I actually did more broadcasting stuff). When it came down to it, I just was friends with all the popular guys and hung out with them etc etc, it was fun. In high school the tradition carried on. I was still friends with all the popular people, except I was friends with a lot more people too; I branched out or something. Now, in elementary school (go cougars!), we really didn't have anyone who was popular or unpopular (from what I can recall). Our school was just kinda...kids...in school. We all knew about popularity and this n' that from archetypes and movies and tv and media and blah blah; but somehow cliques never really formed. So, here's the interesting part of the post, I think.

On the first day of 6th grade at my new school, with all new students (and the ones who came from the elementary school), I found out who the popular kids were (I have no clue how I did this on the first day, maybe I just asked or something) and when it came time for lunch I just went and sat down with them at their table. That just...worked...I was in, and it was cool. Maybe a move as brash as that won't work all the time...Maybe there was one seat open, maybe I beat some kid from some other school to the seat by 20 seconds. Who knows, maybe since no one really was popular from my school and the popular kids expected someone to show up, that was just my spot, and I took it.

I think this is a fun story and I enjoy telling it, even though its just plain and simple. Popularity and cliques and all of that stuff always intrigues me, and I like that I have what I find to be an interesting story. I was a kid that loved all of my schooling, I always had a good time for some reason (except for class/projects/homework/papers...the stuff that a school is there for).

Tell me your stories.

oh...nvm...it's just the hottest girl I know

2009-04-29T21:45:00.001-07:00

The other day I was walking to Preston with one of my roommates. We were meeting up with some people and we're a bit late, so I kinda expected a "hey, where the fuck are you" text. We were getting pretty close to our destination when my phone beeped.

"Ahh, there we go, texted right on time."

I checked my phone and was surprised to see a text that wasn't from my friends at the pool, but from someone else; the hottest girl I know.

I have no clue why, but when we text I always find it kinda funny feeling, especially when she started it, which has only happened a handful of times. Don't get me wrong, I'm reasonably attractive, so technically I shouldn't feel that weird about texting/talking with this girl, but she's so out of my league that I can't help to just think

...cool...

Highlights from the S&SC

2009-04-24T17:13:00.000-07:00

It hurts me to type this blog. No, it isn't emotionally painful to do so. I just slammed my finger in a car door last night in the mix of drunken awesomeness...Not on purpose...

Rewind: Two weeks ago my mom and I went to a pre-opening party of a place called the Sports and Social Club (here on out referred to as the 'snsc'...if I even say it again...you'll find out I guess). It was awesome. It is a very large bar/bowling alley/club in 4th street live (louisville). I'll link some pics later when they're up. We got free drinks (bud light was the only beer option which was fine I guess, and there were a small assortment of mixed drink-esque things) and appetizers for a couple hours as we mingled. The high tech bowling lanes weren't fully up and running yet, but damn they looked cool with neon everywhere and giant flat screens and projectors everywhere (yeah I know, I'll show ya when I can). At the end of that night two weeks ago, we were invited to come back for the grand opening pre-party (which was list night) which included the same deal, free drinks etc etc. Now you're up to speed.

Last night was was the equivalent of two weeks ago on crack and redbull. The bars were fully stocked this timme with all sorts of beer and liquor, for free. As soon as we realized that even premium beers were free, we knew it was going to be a good good night. And it was. We went and bowled on lanes that had never been bowled on before (also free) as we drank whatever the hell we wanted for 2 hours. And after the two hours of freeness was up, we used gift cards that we'd been given at the pre-opening shindigs which we had a hundred dollar limit on. So basically we didn't spend a dime on anything all night, and had yummy appetizers and drinks brought to us as we bowled. Here are the highlights from the night, from what I remember:

-4 people running what would easily be about a 200-250 dollar bar tab that we didn't have to pay for.
-meeting wee man (Jason Acuna), who was a rather nice guy I might add
-picking up an 8-10 split...yes I realize that it's not 7-10, but I was still rather pleased with myself
-slamming my finger in a car door (which hurt like a bitch) and looking at my phone notes in the morning, where I saw "just slammed my finger in a car door...no biggie"
-drinking with my mom, which is always an event
-having this conversation with my dad in the morning - "you know you kill a bunch of brain cells when you drink that much, right?" "It's ok, I was too smart anyway. And apparently I retained my wit."

I can't really remember too much else come to think about it. And I realize that I'm setting a record with the amount of sentences that have started with 'and' in this blog, so I'll cut out here....Plus my finger hurts like a bitch. Closing statement: the snsc (there it is!) is a pretty damn cool place, even when you have to spend money it is 100% worth it.

This Is Where I Lose My Girl Readers

2009-04-16T16:56:00.001-07:00

Lets start this off right. I like girls. I like them a lot. There are a few girls that I would die for, a few more that I would do just about anything for, and many that I would do plenty for.

So, I just got done playing soccer with about 12 people on south lawn, one of the players was a girl. First, I commend any girl who is going to play a physical sport with a bunch of guys, whether she is good or bad, she is putting forth great effort. Secondly, she was good, in the technical aspect of the game she was probably a better ball handler (heyo!), passer, and thinker than me by far. However, in the physical aspect of the game I out classed her easily. Though, there were times where she had an advantage on me when she was playing defense and I was trying to move the ball up the field. She could stifle me since she was a better defender than I was a handler.

So, several times during the game there was a high pass where I had trouble clearing the ball upfield after receiving the pass. If the girl was there she would get to me and play good defense. So after about the 4th time of this happening, I got tired of the same scenario. I booted the fuck out of the ball and cleared it in the general direction towards the goal (it went out of bounds but I was willing for that to happen to make my point). The ball flew by the girls head, missing by maybe 4 inches, at a speed that would have broken her nose easily. Needless to say she was not happy. She didn't say anything, but I could tell that she was pretty pissed at what I did when she didn't accept my apology.

Yes, that is what I meant to happen; however, it was a little closer than I planned. Here's the thing, if you are a girl and you are going to play sports with the boys. Recognize it. I have long fast legs, and can kick a ball really hard, so get out of my area if it looks like that is what I am going to do. I have a nice little perimeter around my body where anything can happen. Realize it and you won't get hurt, or take the risk and accept an apology.

I am reckless when I play, and play in aggressive bursts. That's just the way it is. I am not here to make an argument on the differences between boys and girls in sports, I'm just saying play smart and pick your battles.

P.S.- I realize that I said that I apologized and also that I meant for it to happen. I wasn't apologizing for the fact that the event occurred, I was apologizing for the proximity of the ball to the face.

Zombies ARE Possible?

2009-04-12T12:56:00.000-07:00

So I was hanging out with one of my good friends last night and the current topic on deck was "Which would you rather try to live through...An alien invasion, A Zombie attack, or a robot war?". In all three of these cases, the seriousness of the situation was at the level of apocalypse. There would be no small alien attack, or just 10 zombies running around, and the robots would be numerous also.

We argued for a small bit, with my pick being an alien invasion. Finally I brought up the point that only two of these events were even reasonably possible. My friend was puzzled as to which event I found to be not possible. The zombie apocalypse I told him. That's when my mind was blown.

Note: This is apparently from a book entitled "How To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse". I've heard about this book and meant to check it out before since it seems really really interesting; yet I haven't read it, so this was all very eye opening. So, here is how the zombie apocalypse is a possibility.

Rabies. Yes Rabies. When a human is bit by an animal which has the Rabies virus, we get really sick, get lockjaw, die, blah blah blah. However, when an animal has the Rabies virus, it goes absolutely insane and attacks other animals, biting and spreading the virus onto other animals. Sound familiar? Now, things evolve. Things like viruses. It has happened before in our world and it will happen again. The question is, what if the Rabies virus evolves to infect humans the way it does in animals? If this happens...BOOM...zombie apocalypse.

Granted, I'm not talking about the kind of zombies which are regenerated corpses, but if you are willing to accept the absolutely insane, mindless biting zombies that are featured in many films...then you better be prepared. Go out and get your zombie apocalypse survival guide today.

Nate: Heart of a Lion, Soul of a Raccoon

2009-04-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to do a post on the nature of my sleeping habits for a while. I'm not sure why it took so long to crank this out, maybe I was just waiting for a killer title to accessorize the rest of the hot and spicy words I'm writing. So, typically, I am a night owl, and I love it, but there really isn't anything extraordinary about that. Plenty of people are night owls, and these are the people that I like (go you guys!). I also sleep a lot, and I really mean that. I'm not saying that I sleep a lot because 8 hours is "a lot" to people who are used to getting 6. I'm saying that I'll get 8 hours and still take at least a 2 hour nap. I've even been known to take two naps in one day before (those are goooood days).

So, I stay up late and I sleep a lot. No big deal really. Right, well, wait...wrong...well, only kinda wrong sometimes. Here's when it gets interesting (to me). If I am ever on some sort of break from school or work or whatever I'm doing where the break is longer than a week or so, I go fully nocturnal. I'm like a vampire (the sexy kind), or even a raccoon (the sexy kind). Something about the night owl and the long sleeper mixing together for long periods of time just turns me totally nocturnal, and I'm cool with that. I end up going to sleep as its starting to get light outside, and wake up as the sun is going down. I think my body rhythm just naturally gravitates towards night, maybe I should be up in Alaska for when they have 24 hour nights...but when would I sleep?

Side blog special: The night owl-ness was recognized to be in super full swing the other night when I decided that I needed to go to bed early to wake up to write a paper. What was my opinion of going to bed early? Oh...just 1:37 am...and I probably watched some porn before I went to sleep also, so yeah...2 am us going to bed early for me.

FUCK...yes...maybe...

2009-04-08T20:39:00.001-07:00

Got a response...It was good...nothing stellar (to me it really was stellar...I just don't want to jinx anything)...

Nate = hyped

KYP,

Nate

(yes I realize that this is a short blog and I have totally said before that I hate short blogs and avoid them as to not piss off the reader....but this is just an update...and hopefully there will be lots of good stuff soon)

P.S. - If you've liked this story, check out one of my influences, Eric Shaeffer, at I can't believe I'm still single

FUCK...bad idea...maybe (UPDATE)

2009-04-08T15:39:00.000-07:00

It struck me as I woke up today that Girl X may have not read the message I sent her yet. This was on the forefront of my mind all day until the class that I had with her. Apparently it was also on the forefront of my mind while I slept too. In my dreams I held an ever present sense of worry about tomorrow and the situation. This I found weird since I've never had a realistic life worry in my unrealistic dream world.

So, since I sent the message (btw the last post was updated with a little more info on the message) pretty late in the night last night, it was perfectly reasonable that she hasn't checked the message yet today. This toyed with me all day. In my mind I kept going over all the different scenarios.

What if she'd read the message and thought it was a horrible idea?

What if she thought it was a great idea?

What if she hadn't read the message but I couldn't tell whether she had or not?

What if she wasn't there?

My mind went back and forth all fucking day thinking about the smallest little details. Even at some point in my class before the one with her I was going over gestures and greetings in my head for when I saw her. For some reason I settled on a casual salute. I have no clue why I decided a salute would be the route to go...but whatever...

So I get to class, she comes in right after, and sits next to me. Well, we sit next to each other, this is common. The entire class we just bullshit around and make jokes, this is common also. I am 99% sure she hasn't read the message now. I feel that she would have at least quasi-acknowledged its existence.

Class ends and I get up to leave, I think about mentioning to her to check her inbox when she gets a chance, but I think otherwise and walk ahead as she is gathering her things. I'm about to walk out of the building when she catches up with me slightly, listening to music as shes walking, and casually salutes me.

We wave goodbye and I walk back to my lovely apartment with a goofy smile on my face and shaking my head...I don't usually look for signs that things could be good or bad, but I think there's a decent chance that I just saw one...

KYP,
Nate

FUCK...bad idea...maybe

2009-04-07T23:00:00.001-07:00

Soooo if you recall from a recently previous blog I mentioned having a crush on a girl for once...then this blog is for you! Well, actually, this blog is for everyone. I'm pretty sure that anyone who sees a blog titled "FUCK...bad idea...maybe..." is gonna be curious enough to check it out.

Reader: Shut up Nate, why is this blog titled the way it is?

The bad idea mentioned, is that I just sent a message to said girl maybe a solid two days after her break from a long term relationship which I didn't think I would see the end of in my time knowing her. I was jubilant, and couldn't hold back. So I sent her a message. It doesn't seem that bad yet, because maybe it isn't. But the reason that this may have been a terribly bad idea is because I have class with this girl 4 days a week...If this doesn't go smoothly then...well...it's gonna be an awkward ass month...and I'm gonna have to find a different seat in a few classes.

EDIT: It was late when I wrote this and didn't realize that I hadn't let my dear dear readers know what was in the message. Basically it was rather sweet(I think...I hope..), mentioned her great sense of humor, and asked her out for some time in the future if she were to ever want to...Now I think you're all caught up...

Keep ya posted,
Nate

this time next year...

2009-04-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

April fools is a day that I appreciate. April fools is a day that makes me sad. Yes, both of those statements work together.

I love pranks just as much as anyone, if not more than the average joe. And for a long long time I have really wanted to set up a super elaborate April Fools Day prank. I'm talking like 3 to 4 months of set-up time for one prank. This year is just another year embracing my failure to do so.

Nate = Sad

But!

Nate = Hopeful

Because!

Nate = Has a blog now that people read...

So next year I am going to get the cogs turning on a SUPER BADASS April Fools day prank right after new years. In fact, my new years resolution for next ball drop (Nate said ball drop) is to set up a prank that the world will remember...and then chronicle it for the blog.

YES...

Proper Privilege?

2009-03-31T06:25:00.000-07:00

I'm in the lab right now studying (also known as procrastinating via blogging) for a test thats coming up in a little over an hour. Except according to the computer's clock, the test should have started about 40 minutes ago. Having the wrong time in front of me is usually pretty distracting, especially when its off by not only the hour, but the minute too. So, I go to change it, hoping that it will actually let me do so since I am in the FAC (shiny doors!) lab and not in mmth.

Wrong.

If you've ever tried to change the time on a computer on campus it takes it into its personal vendetta to tell you that you don't have "proper privileges" to do so. Excuse me? I am pretty sure that the only privilege that I need to change the time is KNOWING THE CORRECT DAMN TIME.

Lesson for WKU to learn - If you're going to forbid students from changing the time on computers, then have the right time so that we don't need to change it in the first place...and so we don't get distracted when trying to study and end up failing a class...

P.S.- I can see the time on the computer in front of me which is the only other computer on right now...It says 6:16...That is wayyyy fucking off...I know because I've never woken up in time for 6:16 in my life. Unless it was P.M.

Triple Threat

2009-03-29T22:47:00.000-07:00

I have three ideas for posts, but they are all pretty short; and since I never like to piss off the reader with a short blog (why would I tease you? well, I mean...I'll tease you...just not on the blog...maybe) I decided to throw them all in together as one blog, which I've dubbed the triple threat blog.

1. The Girliest Thing I Do (Probably)

I'm sure that if you're a girl (and possibly a guy also) you've noticed that a lot of the doors on campus are made of that black glass (DUC, Cherry, etc have them). Now why would I preface a statement about black glass towards girls? I would because that black glass is almost as reflective as a normal mirror, and girls use mirrors from what I've heard. So, the girlyness factor for me comes in when every time that I walk into Cherry I end up checking the status of my hair...yeah...I said it...Can you blame me? I have nice hair, and that can be verified.

2. My Porch Has A Hell Of An Uppercut

My concrete porch whipped my ass the other day (whatever day it was when it was raining and slippery outside). I was coming back from my canceled class, which meant I was super excited and had a spring in my step. That extra spring was my demise as I jumped onto my porch to walk into my house. As I landed my foot gave away and I fell straight onto my hip/side and into my rotten fire pit on my solid concrete porch. "Fuck!" was my first thought as I remembered what it was like to fall and hit something hard (this hasn't happened in a while). I looked around in my moderate pain and saw that not a single soul was around to see that I had just tanked it. I thought for a second that that was kinda unfortunate, because my fall, while painful, would've been INCREDIBLY FUNNY to watch happen. In my pain I was slightly saddened that I wasn't able to provide someone with a nice laugh.

3. It Is Never A Good Thing If You Have To Ask This In Class

As I walked into my history class I felt a cold wave come over me. I missed the previous class and just had realized that we might have a test that day that I would be 95% unprepared for.

FUCK.

I sat down in class, and was so embarrassed that I was going to have to to ask someone "Do we have a test today?". That question never really has a good outcome. Either you ask and find out that you do indeed have a test, and you look like an unprepared idiot, which sucks; or you ask and find out that you don't have a test, which is better, but you still look like an unprepared idiot, which still sucks. Fortunately there was no test that day, and someone asked someone else before I asked...SAVED!

Like? No sir and/or madam; I do not!

2009-03-29T00:55:00.000-07:00

Under just about everything on Facebook there is the option to "Like" something. Well I don't like everything...In fact, some things I highly dislike. So why the fuck isn't there a "Dislike" option.

Reader: But Nate, If you dislike something you can just put that in the comment section!

Nate: I can do that if I like something too, so why is there a "like" option then? hmmm?

I should run facebook's brainstorming sessions for new ideas.

Crushes 1 & 2 (two-for tuesday!)

2009-03-24T12:10:00.000-07:00

Blog 1:

This sounds kinda weird to the average person I think; but I'd forgotten what it felt like to have a crush on someone till just the other day.

It struck me as I spent entirely way too long picking out a shirt to wear that day (a day I typically run into the crushee). It's kinda weird, I mean, for the most part the crush has passed since the girl is way taken anyway, and also my interest has potentially shifted...but still, having a crush on someone makes the day feel strange. I almost don't like it, but also, life would be more boring without that feeling.

Ironically the girl wasn't in class that day anyway.

Blog 2:

Always look your best when you go out, you never know when you're going to run into a girl you had a crush on two years ago who lives in your favorite place in the world and is also pretty damn cool.

Note to self: don't scrub it...

I'll keep you people posted on anything interesting that may happen...blogtastic...

Facebook Internet Worldland

2009-03-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to write about this for a while, but I've noticed a phenomena that I am guessing other people have noticed also. People are using Facebook as if it was the internet itself, or at least, as a portal to the internet. Think about it-

Back ten or so years ago, there was AOL (and still is apparently?), and it was good. As kids, or whatever we were at the time, we got on to AOL, and from that main page were spoon fed everything that we could possibly want; our buddy list was right there, our email was right there, our news (which we didn't give a fuck about at the time and possibly still don't give a fuck about now) was right there. Every single thing was right there for us, and it was awesome.

Eventually, AOL faded from our lives with the world of cable internet. We strayed from our norms, downloaded AIM, and had homepages. Then we wandered aimlessly around the internet in our loafers.

Today, we have the mecca that is Facebook. Once again we only have to go to one place to get absolutely everything that we could possibly need. We sign in (which probably none of you do since Facebook will be nice and remember you) and right there we have our entire network of friends right there for us. With the addition of the friends list, we have a chat function, our inbox functions just the same as email once did, and we can tell whats going on in the world (our news) via statuses and posts on walls. If you think differently about the news and the status thing, go back and look at how many people had something to say about the WKU game results in their status and then tell me you couldn't write a kickass article for ESPN about it.

We have everything now via Facebook. The time spent on other sites dwindles as excerpts from these sites are simply linked to FB where we can read them there, so on and so forth. Facebook, is more internet than the internet is.

Agree? Lemme know.

The Celeb Reality Show We All Want To see

2009-03-24T11:27:00.001-07:00

I'm sure everyone is tired of the same reality shows...even more important though, is how tired we are of celebrity reality shows. They're all the same and uninteresting. No, I don't watch any of them either, so yes, I could be completely wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'm not. So, what show can break this bullshit trend of crap-ass shows?

Celebrity Truth Or Dare - On HBO/Showtime...at night.

Yeah, I said it, and yeah, you KNOW you would watch it.

Submit comments for casting ideas, and I'll make it happen, promise....

The Comprehensiveness of My Dreams

2009-02-24T06:16:00.001-08:00

I've had crazier dreams than the one that I had last night. I've also had longer dreams than the one that I had last night. But, I'm not sure if I've ever had a dream that included so many elements to it as the dream sequence I had last night. Some of the scenes weren't connected, however most seemed to be. Here is the breakdown of the scenes (that I remember, there's probably way more):

-Driving with my dad in my old neighborhood and seeing one of the most important girls in my life walking around, we pass her up in the car. Dad has me turn around to go say hi and tell her how I feel about her, we turn around to find out that shes already gone into her house (she doesn't live in the neighborhood anyway). Dad finds the house and makes me go in and talk to her. I talk to her for a while....In pajamas...Something happens and we have to leave, I can't remember why, but we did. Later on facebook (in my dream, yeah I know...It was a first) I see her status (she isn't on facebook) and its something about crying tears from a hilton head boy (or something to that effect).

-At some point in time, I'm no longer in what seems to be my home town, however it is. The area that it looks like however, is like the slums of Miami. The reason I'm here? Because there was a fire in the records section of my high school, and everyone from our graduating year had to repeat their last year in HS to prove that they had in fact graduated. People I go to college with now were in my classes. These people didn't go to my HS. The most notable classmate was a girl that I have a semi crush on nowadays.

-Due to living in Miami, I was in some sort of gang for some reason. My life was in constant danger around the fucks I was hanging out with, and I'm pretty sure that I killed some people during that time. I had decided to leave the gang, and one of the members who was one of my comrades, shot me twice in the chest, I didn't get to shoot him back, but tried.

-I lived through the two initial gunshots, however, the shots started a gunfight between everyone who had a gun within the vicinity of where we were; and for some reason, we were in a restaurant that felt like a steakhouse. Several people got shot the fuck up here, but no one died, just a shit ton, and I mean a shit ton of bad injuries to gang members and bystanders alike (bystanders consisted of past and present students. I distinctly remember someone from a my gang throwing a grenade that landed in the middle of a crowded table. I turned away from that immediately because I knew that the scene would be gruesome. During the rest of the fight I believe I incurred two more gunshots.

-The next seen took place in my dad's house, in my little sister's room. There were lots of the injured here hanging out. Almost everyone had skipped high school for the day since they were injured from the gunfire. For some reason we were all smoking out of some crazy bong, the likes of which I have never seen. The semi crush girl was here too.

-I called my dad to tell him that I didn't need my hs diploma again, that I would be fine with just my college, he disagreed and I yelled at him for a while, but decided to stick with the schooling because it was easy and I was lazy.

-Somehow I found myself in southern California to meet the first girl I fell in love with. We met at some sort of creek, and while we talked, I tried to catch large lizards that were hiding in the mud around the creek. We talked about what she was doing since I haven't seen her in a while. She mentioned modeling for Target if I'm not mistaken. She had to go, but told me that she could be looked up in the papers if I needed to contact her again, she gave me a different name.

-I looked in the papers to find her, but couldn't until I found the personal ads (escorts and such). Pictures were included that were rather risque. I was pretty shocked.

-At some point in time after this I woke up, and my back kinda hurts. My back REALLY hurt during all the dreams, from being shot.

-Also worth noting is that all three girls mentioned in this dream have been mentioned in the blog. The first, the one I talked to a lot was the girl mentioned in The Necklace. The girl who I have a semi crush on was only briefly mentioned in Notecards for Newbies. And the third and final girl mentioned was featured in the second story of Best things I've heard while coming.

-Yeah, I love my dreams...

Wanna Marry Me? Then Keep Me Drunk...

2009-02-15T13:43:00.000-08:00

I have a fascination with "mean drunks". I just don't understand them. How can someone take such a joyous liquid such as alcohol and let it bring out harbored anger from within. To me, this makes no sense. Why? You ask. This is because I am a very happy drunk. Wait, even more, I am a very affectionate drunk. Wait, I need to take this yet another step further, but before I do, I must bring to light the discrepancy between what kind of drunk you might be thinking of, and what kind of drunk I'm talking about (drunk is a noun here by the way, not a state...well I guess it is a state too, damnit...).

I am not just affectionate in a 'beer goggles' type of affection. While my judgment is sometimes affected on the level of attractiveness regarding a female it is never that skewed...basically I've never woken up and wanted to off myself due to an increase in affection for a bear. Anyway, here's the deal with my drinking. As I imbibe more and more, I get more and more warm to the idea of a long term relationship with someone. This, to my knowledge is the opposite mode of thinking for most men. If I'm not mistaken its something like "drink. fuck. go." With me it's like "Hate relationships. Super picky. Unpleasable. I'm too awesome to date one girl. Drink. Fuck. We should get married."

I'm not entirely sure why this is, but I have a theory. I think it has to do with my inherent laziness. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love hitting on girls. It's a sport that I enjoy playing. However, when I get drunk, the lazy bastard inside of me pipes up and is like hey...just date someone, its easy. That's my best guess as to why. Granted there are varying levels of how much I want a relationship when drinking, sometimes I just think to myself that I should go out on a date for the hell of it, and sometimes I think that I should spark a full fledged relationship. Either way, when I wake up un-drunk (you people call it sober), I never seem to want a relationship. It's very weird. So just like the title of the post says...If you want to marry me...Keep me drunk...

The health of my liver and the appearance of a wedding band on my ring finger are negatively correlated...

The Lamest 20 Dollars Ever

2009-02-12T07:07:00.000-08:00

I was lying in bed recounting the times and people that I haven't had sex with. No, no, not like celebrities and the other 2.999999 billion girls out there. What I mean is instances where I have had the chance to have sex and have turned it down for some reason. Occasionally I'll wonder why I did or didn't fuck someone. Honestly, there are girls I've fucked that I would gladly switch out for girls that I could've and didn't. Most notably would be the time that I should've lost my virginity, but oh well, its all in the past now.

So I was thinking about this one girl (who I'm not fond of anymore, and by not fond of I mean severely dislike) who I had been talking to (hate that term...please...someone...anyone....come up with something better) and had the chance to have sex with, on a couple occasions. I know what you're thinking, and no, she wasn't ugly, actually she may have been the most attractive of the group of girls that I didn't sleep with...eh, just let me put it this way, you would definitely fuck her. So I was laying in bed thinking about the time that she was asking me to fuck her and I didn't. I thought to myself (currently sex-deprived self) "what the hell was I thinking...Why in the world didn't I have sex with her". I couldn't remember why until a few minutes later. I didn't sleep with her because of my honor. And 20 bucks. Let me explain.

When I had just started talking to Girl X (we'll call her) I had gotten in a conversation with a friend about sex, and she said something about my promiscuity. I had to hold my own though, I told her "Hey, I can not have sex with someone easily, even if they're hot." My friend didn't believe me and bet me twenty dollars that I would fuck the girl within 3 weeks (I believe that was the time period). Well, betting 20 dollars just made it even easier not to fuck the girl. Besides, if I had fucked her, I would have to literally pay someone to have sex with her, and that's almost prostitution, and I don't support prostitution.

Yes I do.

I should have fucked her...

You said, I too.

2009-02-10T13:05:00.001-08:00

Dream time.

We bounced along a rough dirt road in a huge open field, heading towards a prison out in the middle of no-where. I was at the front of the converted school bus, now fit for the transport of prisoners. I wasn't in a jumpsuit, I was one of the guards assisting in the transport of our collection of con-men, murderers, rapists, so on and so forth. The bus halted to a stop at the front door of the prison. I started organizing everything at the front of the bus and preparing for the exit. The prisoners seemed restless. I opened the door and walked out of the bus, followed shortly by a train of prisoners. The first one stopped and looked around, noticing the same thing that I just had - there were very few guards compared to the amount of prisoners.

The first prisoner took off running, followed by the second, miraculously the rest of them stayed behind. Who knew that some inmates were responsible? I was following the first prisoner at full speed, but couldn't catch up and had no clue why. When we sleep, the part of our brain that does the reasoning is shut down since it is obviously not needed. This is why we have problems realizing that something is a dream during the dream. Often time a clue is presented that should make us wonder if what we are experiencing is real. If you think back, I'm sure in almost every dream you can remember, something has happened that would make you wonder wtf in real life. I like to call it a Lucidity Test Moment. Since I'm pretty fast in waking life, not being able to catch a prisoner in a footrace was my LTM. So, since I was having trouble catching the prisoner, I shouldered my rifle and shot him in the ass. He went down, but was still crawling away, slowly. I focused on the slower second prisoner. I tackled him to the ground as reinforcements caught up to help me out. When the other guards pulled up the inmate to drag him back to the prison, he was no longer a human being. Instead, he was a rather large brown rabbit. I was yelling at the other guard for not cradling him correctly since he was injured. Finally the guard got it right and headed back to the prison. While the rabbit didn't exactly look like my late pet rabbit, it did have the same familiar feel of it. This is significant since I put the rabbit down when it got too old.

Having the second escapee secured, I went and found my way over to the first prisoner. He also, was no longer in the shape of a human. He took the form of yet another former pet. A black lab, Zoey (she's still alive, just lives with my stepmom). Obviously, she was wounded due to being shot. She was bleeding heavily and I was instantly worried. I had to check the dog tag to make sure it was her before I broke down in tears apologizing and begging forgiveness to the wounded dog. Zoey was doing that thing that almost all dogs will do when seeing their master, wagging their tail hard and trying to lick them. She was doing this despite being covered in blood and possibly on the brink of passing. This made the whole scene even worse for me as I continued to cry my eyes out. I heard my phone beep, which meant I had received a text message. I pulled my phone out to read it. The message was from a fellow guard. It read "You said, I too."

I woke up right after that, late for my class. This happens too often.

sad sad days

2009-02-08T19:47:00.000-08:00

I was on vacation in Florida visiting my grandma a few weeks ago. We went out to go eat at a nice barbecue place one night, and I found myself in a trance over one of the waitresses. I immediately sent one of my roommates a text-

me: I swear I would move to Florida for the girl who works in the restaurant I’m in now… I live in the wrong damn state.
roommate: Do you know her?
me: Haha no, not a bit, but I’m going to be sad for the rest of my life because I never made sweet sweet love to her.

Now, if you’re a girl, you may just laugh and think that was a funny text explaining how beautiful the girl was; but, if you’re a guy, you’ll respond with “I know that feeling”. So here’s the thing girls, while the text was a way to convey beauty, it was also truthful on my part in explaining my sorrow for not having defiled her.

It’s an interesting part of the male psyche to miss something that you have never had (by miss, I mean have sex with). It’s almost like she was the missing piece to a puzzle that was incomplete, and I’ll never find that piece now. Or if she was a famous piece of art that you just had to see the real work instead of looking at it in textbooks. Or something like that. Anyway, to this day, I really am kinda sad that I never made that sweet sweet love to her. She was 100% my type…She could have walked up to me, told me that the Dave Matthews Band consisted of people who were excuses of musicians, that The Matrix was a terrible movie, and that she threw away the packets of icing that came with toaster strudels instead of using them; and I still would love her.

peace

Squeezing a little religion in before the belligerence

2009-02-07T19:08:00.000-08:00

One day, about a year or so ago, I got out of the shower and noticed in huge letters the word "JEW" unfogged on the mirror in my bathroom. No, I wasn't worried about antisemitic poltergeists. Obviously one of the roommates had simply written "JEW" across the mirror last time it was fogged up; and it stayed.

Over time, it faded a little bit, but was still noticeable. Today, I got out of the shower and decided to switch our mirror art up a little bit. So, standing in my foggy bathroom, I drew a stick figure rendition of crucified Jesus with his crown of thorns...

I really hope it stays...

Sauce Sauce Baby

2009-02-06T15:49:00.000-08:00

Every time that I pick up mild sauce at Taco Bell I feel like a little bitch. Why? Because it says mild on it. I don't think mild sauce should be called mild sauce. It should just be sauce. I want it because it tastes good, not because I wanted hot sauce and am too much of a bitch to get an actually hot sauce. When I want hot, I get hot, and am cool with that...but when I want sauce, I'm a little bitch...FUCK YOU TACO BELL.

Except for your quesadillas...damn you and your delicious delicious addicting quesadillas....I hate you!

Classroom Pondering 1

2009-02-05T11:52:00.001-08:00

There are plenty of things that I do in class, learning usually isn't one of them. More often than not these activities are napping, drawing, daydreaming, texting, playing Bubbleburst (if you have a Samsung phone I'm sure that you know what I'm talking about...btw, my high score is 857 on standard...that's right...I got that when I was locked out of my apt the other day...), and pondering.

So, I'm planning on starting a post on the things that I ponder in class, as long as I deem them interesting enough for you to read. Let's give it a try.

- The professor was calling roll in my class and called out a girl with the name Caroline. I thought to myself - "I would like to have sex with a girl named Caroline (pending she was moderately attractive)." Then I took it a step further and realized that I would like to date a Caroline. Well, maybe not date a Caroline so to speak, but if I were to end up dating someone, it could be nice if that was her name. I think I know why I think this. I'm not a big fan of the name Carol, however am of Caroline...I believe this is due to my fascination and love for South Carolina. Either way, this was the thought that sparked the blog.

- In the same class we were talking about germs and how since they're invisible to the naked eye there are some off the wall theorists out there who believe that they don't exist, and how germs are really just tiny demons. I thought it would've been funny if scientists had just decided to call germs "Tiny Demons" instead of germs...That would have been funny, and a win win situation.

- I also realized that the hungrier I am, the slower class goes by.

The 11 lamest blogs on the net

2009-02-05T11:21:00.000-08:00

The 11 Lamest Blogs On The Net

So, I saw this headline, and checked it out. And Surely enough I was right...I don't have one of the 11 worst blogs in the net. The absolute worst I could be is the 12th worst blog. HELLS YEAH.

Champagne breakfast motherfuckers!

girls girls girls!

2009-01-29T21:31:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been looking at pictures in my news feed when I see that there are girls in the said pictures. No no no, not in a creepy way, or a stalkery way. Kind of in a curious way. I'm not really sure why, and this is for the most part concerning girls that I don't know, instead of ones that I do. For instance, I'll see one of my friends has uploaded pictures, and for some reason I scroll through them because on the highlighted pics there are girls in them. I think its just some sort of strange male curiosity that I can't really explain correctly. I think to myself, are the girls going to be attractive? Will they look like someone I know? So on and so forth.

This could all be due to boredom however. I'm more bored than I usually am lately...apparently boredom leads to stalking...except not stalkerish stalking...just bored stalking...

twitter, yo

2009-01-29T15:40:00.000-08:00

So I'm finding that I really like twitter. First off, my favorite part about facebook is the status function. So obviously since twitter for for the most part just statuses, why wouldn't I love it?

Whenever I feel like updating a status now, but like my facebook one a lot, I just go and update my twitter. It's pretty cool. Plus, I can follow my two favorite musical artists...one of whom is following me as well due to him having a small group on twitter...badass...

Damn subconscious nate

2009-01-29T12:45:00.001-08:00

I woke up today at 11 am. Now, had today been a monday, wednesday, or friday, this wouldn’t have been a problem; but, today is thursday. So, when I awoke at 11 this morning, the first thought that popped into my head was “Fuck, I’ve already missed two classes.”

I hate missing classes. Well, I love missing classes actually, but I take it a little hard on myself because even four years after the end of my public schooling, I still retain the idea of “go to class, you have to.” So after a grand total of 4 days of class, I have already missed two. So, why am I blogging about this? What’s interesting about this? Well, I distinctly remember setting my alarm last night for this morning. I set it at exactly the time I was going to need. But when I woke up today, the switch for alarm was turned off.

Fuck that.

There is only one logical explanation for what happened. When the alarm went off, my subconscious mind reached out, and shut it off instead of hitting the snooze button. I don’t remember this, and it is not the first time that it has happened. If I wanted my subconscious in charge, I would be out idding it up instead of being a civilian. Civilians go to class…at least for the first effing week.

Notecards for Newbies

2009-01-26T19:13:00.001-08:00

We've all been in a new class before where the professor has handed out note cards for the students to put their usual contact info etc etc on. And we have most likely all been asked to put something "interesting about ourselves" on the card as well. Now, what I'm not sure however, is how many of you have been BORED AS SHIT by your professor's syllabus. I'm not talking the usual boredom, I reached a new level with this professor's syllabus, I wanted to rip my ears off, and that's impressive seeing as I've heard about 30 or so syllabuses in my collegiate career.

So...what did I do while my professor was going over her syllabus? I thought up interesting things to put in the "something about me" section of the card to fuck with my professor. I sat giggling to myself coming up with all of these interesting fictional facts about me.

-I'm the only member of my family to not at least make an appearance in a Girls Gone Wild video.
-Sorry that I was ten minutes late to class, I was losing my virginity.
-I stole all of the clothes that I'm wearing right now.
-I got accepted into Harvard, but I decided to come to Western because of my extreme fascination with Big Red.
-Sometimes, when I get lonely, I torture kittens.
-I'm addicted to sixlets.
-I hack in to Westerns grade database every semester to change all my grades to A's; don't worry though, I'll still try in class.
-I got in a fight with the person who is sitting right behind me in 4th grade. We haven't talked since then. We were randomly assigned to be roommates. I won the fight.
-I spend hours daydreaming about Chevy Camaros almost every day.
-I was born fully potty trained.
-I woke up on Sunday with a tattoo and still have no clue what it says.
-I'm in the witness protection program. Fuck. Nevermind.

Things to look forward to you ask? The best things I've found written on WKU bathroom stalls in the men's rooms. Ohh yeaahhh.

Also, my favorite unsaid quote of the day...There was a girl who was in one of my classes last semester that I kinda developed a crush on. At the end of the class I contemplated going up to her and telling her that bit of info. She's in two of my classes this semester. So the (currently)unsaid quote is "Man, I'm really glad I didn't tell you that I had a crush on you at the end of last semester...that could make these classes really akward."

The three best things i've ever heard/said while coming.

2009-01-16T00:59:00.001-08:00

I was browsing my news feed on FacebookInternetWorldLand and saw a girl that I kinda talked to a couple years ago and had fooled around with a decent bit. A smile crossed my face as I remembered one of the funniest things I had ever heard. This statement came from her mouth, as come came from me, onto her chest. I chuckled to myself, and then I remembered another funny/awesome thing that a different girl had said to me, also as I came onto her chest. I thought for a second to myself. "This will be a blog". So I started writing what would just be two mini-clips of life and would probably be the shortest blog I've written; and what developed, was this long tome. I'm glad it came to this, as I am very fond of this entry now. It is also worth noting, that this was originally going to be two stories/statements, but is now three. The third story that I chose to include (which is second in order here) does not involve something funny being said by the girl when coming, but by me after I had came and had been asked a question. While it does not totally fit the theme of the entry, I feel that it is also very funny, a good story, and worthy of inclusion. These stories are presented to you out of chronological order. Instead, I put them in the order that I believe would make for the best blog post. Enjoy.

Story 1: Pearl Necklace Presents

Me and one of my friends had been invited by two girls to go out to a houseboat for a night to celebrate one of the said girl's birthdays. First off, the houseboat thing was bullshit, they never even left the dock, apparently people just go out to their boats and hang out at the dock. Remind me to never live in the fucking country. Also remind me to get rich enough to buy one of those boats, because as stupid as it was to not use your BOAT when you have A BOAT, well, it was still a kickass fucking boat. Secondly, the birthday girl was into me, and as it was told to me, she "wanted her some Nate". Who doesn't? Anyway, I knew this as we went out there for her birthday, and the four of us celebrated on the top deck of the boat (yeah there were 3 decks) having a good time and drinking. As the night progressed, I ended up finding myself in one of the little bedrooms that the boat provided, with the birthday girl. We fooled around and things got fun. To this day, the oral that I received on that boat was some of the best I've had. No, it wasn't the best, but it was very very good. She blew me furiously. Side note: I had to get up and leave the room like 5 times within the span of time that we were fooling around to go outside and piss into the lake; I had drank many a beer that night, back to the story. After the first go-around, being swallowed wasn't enough for me or her any more. For her birthday, I was going to give her a nice pearl necklace. She got me where I needed to be, and I came all over her chest, it was very good. Breathing heavily and lying naked, she panted out

"This was the best birthday EVER."

Story 2: The gravity and the cementation.

I've heard so many bad and unpleasant stories about when people have lost their virginity. However bad and sad they may be, at least they are fun to hear. For the most part, the successful sex stories are far less interesting than the ones that go horribly horribly wrong. This doesn't mean that good experiences aren't funny or entertaining though, in my case for instance. Nothing went wrong at all, in fact, everything was perfect, and I'll describe it more in full in an upcoming post about nights I'll never forget. So basically, the only thing appealing about the time I lost my virginity, would have been being me in the situation. Except for one funny little tidbit that I'm going to share.

I had been having a great time the entire night, obviously. Losing your virginity in a Florida hot tub is awesome. We had been having good rhythmic sex for at least an hour when we decided to get out of the hot tub, pruned fingers and all, and finish on a nearby chaise lounge in the pool complex of mine and her grandparent's condominium. Outside of the water, the sex was more fierce, and less restricting; water, while awesome and totally recommended by me, slows down sex. We had some good final sex on the lounge (the cords of the chair leaving deep impressions on her back) next to the hot tub, and I was about to come after having sex for the first time ever; jubilant would be the word which accurately described my feeling. I could feel that the time was near, so I pulled out of her and came, hard.Now pay attention kiddos, this is why the story is kinda funny. I did some quick thinking as to where I would come before the situation had arisen, and I had chosen not to come on the girl (she had to go check in with her family right after we split, and I would have rather she not had some of my swimmers hiding in her hair after our swimming), and I had also realized that I didn't want to come on and of the nearby furniture (that sounds like some sort of fetish or something) since I wanted our visit to be kept a secret and leave no obviously visibly traces of what had happened. So I aimed for nothing, brilliant, I know, I figured my come on the cement would dry flat and look like nothing special at all, even if it had been spotted by an unsuspecting senior citizen. So I came, and like I said, I came hard. I had no clue how much harder a guy comes after having sex. It is nothing when compared to a simple come from masturbating. It is at least 50% more in volume, and at least 50% more vigorous. I was amazed. I stood, naked, out of breath, and amazed at what my dick had just done. The girl wasn't sure though if I was finished, and I was surprised.

"Did you come?" She asked.
Shock ran through me for the second time that night.
"You mean you didn't just hear all of that hit the ground?!?!"

Seriously, it sounded like the waves of the ocean slapping against the shore.

Story 3: It's ok, you're going to live.

So like I said at the beginning of these tales, I was browsing some pictures on the ole' FacebookInternetWorldLand and stumbled upon a girl who I had fooled around with several times. I saw several pictures of me with her, at various levels of intoxication, and in various costumes due to our uncanny coincidence of hanging out on Halloween. To be precise in what I mean by various levels of intoxication, I mean that the options were:

1. Damn Drunk
2. Goddamn Drunk
3. Where Am I? Drunk
4. Why Am I in the Hospital? Drunk
and
5. I Can't Tell You Much About Last Night But I Have The Sneaking Suspicion That It Was The Drunkest Night Of My Life Drunk.

The Pictures of option 5 are untagged and good luck finding them. There most likely aren't many seeing as I have mastered the art of actually burning jpegs. Nevertheless, seeing these unburned jpegs made me think about the olden days, and man...I was a fucking asshole. I have been the biggest douchebag I have ever been in my life to this girl, and yeah, now I feel kinda bad about it; however, that isn't what this lovely blog is about. Its about coming on her tits. And besides, I think she earned it somehow. I can't remember. So! Before I get on with the rest of this blog I would like to issue a formal apology to this anonymous girl who will most likely never read this blog and most likely has absolutely no clue what she had said anyway. The only reason I fucking remember it was because of the sheer awesome-ness that came with it. Hell, I think it actually both sobered me up and replenished my missing rib instantaneously. But First, my apology.

Dear (girl),
I am sorry. I fully apologize for walking you out of my dormroom late one night and telling you to delete my number from your phone and never to call me again, after coming all over you. I fully apologize for giving you the name CT, which stood for cock-tease (even though you kinda were). I fully apologize for calling you CT so much that everyone knew you as CT and you had no clue. I fully apologize that you found out what CT meant, I would much rather have you never had found out. And I fully apologize for any other general douchebaggery; however, I have the sneaking suspicion that that was one of the big reasons that you liked me. I hear girls are crazy like that. Anyway, seriously, I'm sorry.

Yours truly,
Nate <3

Now for the next part. On the first or second night we had met each other, girl came home with me to the dorm-room. It was probably the first night, I'm awesome. Come to think of it, it may have been both nights, I'm awesomer. I think this was the second night. Anyway, after plenty of making out and topless and bottomless fun for girl (no intercourse though, get your mind out of the gutter) I decided that I wanted to be played with too. So I finally received some quality attention. However it wasn't that quality, reinforcements were needed, i.e. me. Never a really good sign if you're a girl btw. If a guy needs to take over you need to study some porn and pick up some techniques. Back to the story. I was reasonably upset that I had to finish myself off, as most guys probably get. So I needed to make up for the abysmal performance somehow. I decided that I needed to pop my 'pearl necklace' cherry. I had never come on a girl, and I really wanted to. I had also never hate-fucked a girl, and I kinda wanted to do that as well. So this was kinda a nice middle ground for me. I was pissed off at her, and also I got to do something I had wanted to do for a while. The time came, literally. And I came all over the girl. Remember in the story above how much I came? Well, It's kinda like that except less extreme. Coming from sex is a force to reckon with, coming from fooling around, while still a force that is great, can be reckoned with only when caught off its guard. I realize that the previous statement makes little to no sense; however, I think you may grasp what I mean. Either way, all you need to know, is that there was a lot of semen exiting my member. Now as a male, this is something to be proud of, a veritable pissing contest of sexy climax if you will. So for the most part, the more the better. Why do you think Peter North has sold so much porn. So, I was unleashing my children all over the poor girl, and she decided to give my ego a super stroking. A much better stroking than she was able to give my cock in fact. While getting hosed down she screamed

"You're killing me!!!".

I did not make this up.

Cant we all just get along!?!?! Without fucking each other?!?!

2009-01-15T22:54:00.000-08:00

Sally: can guys and girls just be friends?

Nate:hmmm, yes, but not often

Sally: explain

Nate: uhhh, guys want sex, unless they dont want sex there wont ever be a true friendship (exept once in a while)because girls. are. not. fun.

Sally: wuh...

Nate: except some, and we want to have sex with most of them anyway.
such a fun world and gene pool, eh!

Sally: im kinda lost. that was somewhat circular

Nate: it is

Sally: so say it again, uncircular, maybe a triangle?

Nate: there is very rarely a loveless friendship between a guy and a girl
because girls suck. lol

Sally: how do girls suck?

Nate:uhhh, they just do? now, heres the thing though, some girls dont suck

Sally: ok....

Nate: but, we want to fuck them too. and that is always a different realm.
so the odds of there being a naturally cool girl, who a guy doesnt want to fuck, is rare. that would be the only case of a true friendship between a guy and a girl
but hey, it happens

Sally: wow, so how do girls suck

Nate: if you took the average girl and took everything they did that wasnt gender specific, and had a male do that no one would hang out with that guy. he would suck

Sally: i dont get it

Nate: like everything, except paint nails wear girl clothes etc. like the actions,
the mindset

Nate: doin ok?

Sally: sorta, its late, example?

Nate: lol, ok, here. ive got a perfect one

Sally: ok. give it to me

Nate: your picture right now for your profile, who took it?

Sally: uh oh, i think i get where its going

Nate: yeah you do, who took it?

Sally: guess

Nate: ill take a stab that you did, right?

Sally: mhm

Nate: and

Sally: how is that sucky?

Nate: how many pictures like that would you guess are in your album maybe 25 or so?
possibly more...show me a guy who does that. we like people similar to us, those people are our friends. we dont do that. in fact...rarely is there a picture of a guy just by himself, its just not something we do, so take that aspect of a girl, drop it in a guy, and you have a disowned guy

Sally: ok...

Nate: anyway, there ya have it, that was a perfect example, have i rocked your world?

Sally:you have made me a lil sad

Nate: hahaha im sorry, its ok, you have boobs! and friends that are girls

Sally: greaaatttt

Nate: well, and friends that are guys too,but they want to have sex with you.
but that isnt bad at all1

Sally: says you

Nate: oh cmon, how could that be bad?

Sally: hard to manage several people hitting on you in various degrees

Nate: oh, shit, hell, lots of the time theres no hitting on. its just underlying
aka being nice

Sally: ?

Nate: ya know, guys can just be nice and wanna have sex with someone instead of hitting on them. but yeah you do get hit on alot dont you, lol

Sally: i kno guys can be nice, it fluctuates between nice and hit on, and yes

Nate: yeah, we;re awesome

Sally: i dont understand why

Nate: its in the stars, mars is bright

Sally: ok

Nate: and a planet. this is such a good convo, its anonymously going in my blog, you will be anonymously famous, what would you like your name to be?

Sally: uhh

Nate: the world is yours! name wise

Sally: i dunno, thats tough

Nate: you have time, not much, but enough

Sally: meaning

Nate: ill put it together once we're done chatting

Sally: lol, should it be a serious name? or silly

Nate: it can be anything from a normal name, to something mildy funny, nothing absolutely crazy though

Sally: like moon unit?

Nate:lol. yes, not moon unit. that would be crazy

Sally: i think sally

Nate: i was contemplating suggesting that

Facebook Emoticon Cheers and Jeers

2009-01-12T07:39:00.000-08:00

Facebook has emoticons. Go them. Here's the deal, some are good, and some are bad.

Cheers- Every emoticon except one, they're all actually good!

Jeers- THE FUCKING :p EMOTICON. That one is bullshit. Look at mine right there, it looks like its playfully sticking its tongue out and is having fun. The facebook version is horrible, it looks mean. I hate that. It needs to look playful. I use the :p smiley more than any other and its fucking bullshit that it isn't good in facebook chat.

The Dementor's Kiss

2009-01-12T07:37:00.000-08:00

You have to try this; especially if you are somewhat nerdy or at least a fan of Potter. I guarantee that it will make at least one of the two people involved in the situation laugh. Errr, well, or the person could be totally weirded out...Maybe only do it on nerds and Potter fans...ok...nvm, I just don't guarantee it anymore, but you should totally do it.

Background info really quick, just in case you live under a rock. A dementor in the Potter world is a big creepy grim reaper-esque creature that kinda floats around stirrin up shit and causing trouble. They can administer what is called the "Dementor's Kiss", which is where they suck someones soul out through their mouth. Yeah. Badass.

So! Here's where it gets good, and real, without soul stealing. Next time you are kissing someone passionate(<-that's my name)ly, if the moment ever happens when your lips and theirs create a perfect seal where no air gets in or out, what you do..is breathe in. Breathe in really forcefully and quick. What will happen if you do it at the right moment and have a good seal, is all the air in their lungs starts to get sucked right out into your lungs and it will FREAK THE SHIT OUT OF THEM. Now, they'll break the seal or close their throat before you could get all the air, but they will get the idea and freak almost immediately. This is the cue to explain whats up. Like the title of what you did, who came up with it (me), who told you to do it (me), and then you laugh. And then do it again every time they aren't expecting it. Bwa ha ha ha.

Side note: You can also try the "Breath of Life", where instead of stealing their air...you give them more by breathing out into their lungs...but that's gay and helpful...go to the dark side...steal souls and shit.

The Status Bandit

2009-01-12T07:35:00.000-08:00

Facebook statuses intrigue me. They just do, I'm not sure why though, I guess I just like seeing what people choose to be their most easily seen statement. The status is like the face of the body when it comes to your profile, It's what people see first, then they go on to look at other things (boobs could be first on a girl I suppose...boobs are definitely the "music I like" section...). So before I get too off tangent, I want to say what my new project idea is. Personally, I think this would be hilarious, but I think other people would get kinda pissed and or not find it funny at all. But whenever I see someones status and its very interesting or recognizable, I want to take it verbatim, and then make it my status. Then I want to see how long it takes them to ask me what the fuck I was up to. It makes me laugh every time I see a status worth doing it to. For example:

is in love with the sexy cable guy that just left her apartment :) great day.

Now this is a prime status to jack. She would definitely wonder what the fuck was up, seeing as the odds of me falling in love with a sexy cable guy and wording it like that are very very slim...hey..shut up!!! NO I WOULDN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH A CABLE GUY...stop making fun of me...you guys aren't my friends...

Fuck you myspace code generator coders!

2009-01-12T07:33:00.000-08:00

I have many joys in life, well, who doesn't really...but this is besides the point. This may be a multi-post blog on my simple joys in life, but for now, well, I like the title too much for it to just be called "Nate's Joys in Life". Anyway, one of my tiny little joys I have is to fuck over myspace code generator coders. Probably not at all in the way that you would think. Here's the deal.

Every once in a while I revamp my bands myspace page; however, I'm not great with html or any other web coding. So, what I do is I go to a website that just asks you to fill out a form on what you want the page to look like, they give you a code, and then PRESTO! You have the page you want. Unfortunately, every site that does this slips in stupid ads for their site within the code that they give you. So someone will come to your page and at the top and/or the middle see "VISIT MYYOURSPACEMAKERSNOW!!!! and shit like that where they promote their new layouts and codes and all the other bullshit that we definitely don't want on our page.

So, here's where the joy comes in. I may not be a good coder of html, but I do happen to be a good decoder of html. Every time that I revamp the page, once I'm done, I go through the code and slowly but surely delete every remnant from the page I got the code from, until VOILA! It looks like it is just our band's page instead of a hotbed for advertisements.

Go Nate.

The Yeah No

2009-01-12T07:32:00.000-08:00

Small, but interesting post. Recently I've noticed a trend with me and my roommate and a few other people. When in conversation, we have started saying "yeah no" as a form of agreement. I have no clue how this has happened, but my guess..which may be correct... is that it is a shortened version of "yeah, I know", and in our world we have just started saying "yeah no". We say it a lot, and its kinda getting silly almost whenever we talk to each other since its heard so often. Nevertheless, it did take me a little while to notice what was happening. And there have been others who I have heard saying this. I do tend to start trends, maybe that's what is happening...Be on the lookout for the "yeah no"...Its gonna take the world by storm. STORM I SAY!!!

ROR Wrap Up.

2009-01-06T12:14:00.001-08:00

With every new issue, I'll now post a wrap-up/recap of all the blogs that you may have missed during the month. I mean I wouldn't want anyone to ever miss anything I've said. So you can thank me later, with comments. And of course, new blogs are on the way.

Without further ado, here is the full list of blog postings from in between the last issue and this BRAND SPANKING NEW one:

-My Newest Celeb Crush

-The End of My High School Romance Story

-More Advice on Raising Children

-My Woes on Global Warming

-What Happened to my Car

-Pics From The Above Post

-How to Tell if You Really Like Someone

-Smashing Pumpkins

-Updates on My Google Analysis

-My Favorite Bottle Opener

-Things I Like

-Loving The Holidays

-Super Crazy Sleep Patterns

-Suggestions I Have For Facebook

-My Newfound Hatred For Newfound Washing Machines

-Cereal and The Munchies

-Ummmm...Drinking

-Crazy Dreams, Atomic Themes

-Stranglin' A Mutha Fucka

-Ummmm...More Drinking...

how i know im not an alcoholic...yet...

2008-12-15T20:45:00.000-08:00

I was out last night with some friends, and we were at a different bar than the one that we usually frequent. Now, I love to drink, as you should probably know by now. In fact, just last weekend my dad was questioning my drinking and worried I might be becoming an alcoholic. That was fine, I totally understand it, I am indeed a lush, and its normal for parents to worry. Hell, even I worry about myself sometimes. So, we were out, and I really wanted to drink, but we were out at a different bar…a bar where the alcohol prices were significantly higher than my bar. In my world, an alcoholic will still pay 2.50 for a beer he usually gets for a dollar. I can proudly say that in my world, I am not an alcoholic….Yet.

Whats funny is that I was even offered a drink by a friend, but turned it down. The conversation went something like this-

“Are you not drinking?” – girl
“Nahhh, its too expensive here. I’m cheap.” – awesome nate
“Oh, well cmon, I’ll buy ya a drink.” – girl
“Nah, its ok, really, like, I have twenty dollars, I’m just not willing to give it to them.” – sexy nate with attitude

I figure as long as my principles on how much I’ll spend on alcohol stay rigid, I will never (consider myself to) be an alcoholic.

In fact, I really want a drink right now, and there’s some green apple vodka right next to me…but I don’t want that…

someone is gonna get strangled

2008-12-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard someone talk and their voice made you want to strangle them so that they would never be able to utter another syllable? You probably have, most people probably have, I have. Especially as of late do to a project I have been working on which has involved some audio recording. Who do I want to strangle you ask? Oh, no one special, just ME. Yeah, I want to strangle myself. I hate my voice. I have no clue how other people can stand to hear me talk. I am amazed that I have friends. If I hear someone that sounds like me...I am going to want to kick them in the throat...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH this is bullshit! My voice sounds so nice and sexy in my head! But out in reality its BULLSHIT...

I'm ruined....fuck...

Newer-est Celeb Crush

2008-12-01T15:46:00.000-08:00

Ok, last time it was waitress from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" on FX...Time to cross the networks a bit though.

Firstly, I forgot to mention someone last time...Her name isOlivia Munn, and you probably don't know her (watch the vid in the link featuring both Olivia and Kevin from AOTS, you'll see why...and btw Kevin is one of my man crushes....maybe i'll do a post on those one day). She hosts a show on G4 called "Attack of the Show". She is beautiful...beautiful....beautiful...funny, and a quite nerdy...Olivia is one of my favorite crushes that I have, it makes me feel terrible that I forgot about her last time.

Ok, time for the new crush, who has a name as sexy as she is; Giada De Laurentiis. She has her own cooking show on the Food Network. She is damn beautiful too, and can cook. This is very important, since I like to cook too. I have no clue whether she is funny, but I suppose I could look past that for Giada. I saw her show for the first time just the other day and immediately fell in love with her.

Closing words...fuck Rachael Ray...

More closing words...I hope that all my celeb crushes are single, and I hope that I become a crazy rockstar or something soon so that I can bag one or all of these beautiful beautiful women...

bears dont stand like that

2008-12-01T15:45:00.000-08:00

In one of my classes we just completed a group project. The other day we had to present it. Powerpoint slides, talking, gesturing, answering questions, the whole shebang. Now, I love this stuff. Most people hate public speaking, or being in front of people, and I understand that, but I love it...I'm very ready to be famous. Anyway, while I like doing all this stuff, I do realize that there are some things that I do when I'm in front of people. Nothing big though. For example, I kinda stand on the sides of my feet, like I roll them a little bit to the side to where the soles of my feet kinda are looking at each other. I hope that conveys the image well enough...if not...uhhh...sorry...So! Back to the presentation. I noticed that I was standing on the sides of my feet, and it brought me back to a memory from kindergarten. It was a play, and all of the kids were dressed up as animals, I cant remember what all animals there were in this play, but I do remember that I was a bear...I think I'm going to post this picture I have of this by the way...So I was a bear, which involved being in a brown sweater, brown sweatpants, and ears, complex costume I know. We were all lined up in the hallway, ready to go out in the auditorium to perform, and I was standing on the sides of my feet. My teacher walked by and asked why I was standing like that, and I said I didn't know but it felt kinda good. Her response was "Yeah, well bears don't stand like that, so don't". I started to stand normally, till she walked away, then I went back to how I felt like standing and said the kindergarten equivalent of "fuck you" which was probably, "well i'll do what I want!"...In my head though...

just another day

2008-12-01T15:19:00.001-08:00

So my birthday is coming up, but I don't really care. Now, its not just because 22 is an insignificant number...its birthdays in general that I don't really care about. Ever since I turned 16 I haven't really given a shit. It all probably started then, when I had a really crappy birthday. I thought to myself, "wait, why am I being such a little bitch about this, a birthday is just another day, there isn't any difference between today and tomorrow" etc etc. I still have this opinion. Don't get me wrong, I understand the appreciation of birthdays, and i really enjoy making sure others have a good time on their birthday, I just don't understand the celebration and the "look at me today is my special day!-ness" of it all. I love celebration, except, I only love it when I've earned it...My joke comment for birthdays has always been "Hooray! You lived another year! You did it!"...

Maybe its just me...Ill gladly take sexual favors though for presents if you ladies feel so inclined...

Nate out...

Bye Guys!

2008-11-17T13:24:00.000-08:00

Today I had my second ever dream where I was in a situation that would lead to my imminent demise. However this was the first dream in where I actually did perish. Lets look at the first dream, one of my favorites.

I was on a plane, where all of a sudden the engines failed or something blah blah technical mumbo jargon. Basically, this shit was going down, that's all there was to it. Everyone in the cabin panicked: arms a-flailing, lungs a-screaming, and terror all around. I remember looking around at everyone, in a calm state, as we plummeted towards the earth. I made eye contact with a middle-aged dark haired woman who was sitting across the aisle from me, and screaming just like the rest of the passengers. I looked at her for a second, then smiled, and then waved hello. I turned back to look at the seat in front of me with an odd smile on my face. Just knowing someone else knew that I was calm made me feel even more calm. Then, however, I felt a cold surge come over me and my stomach felt weird and I shuddered. My guess is that this was my realization that I was in fact going to hit the ground going several hundred miles an hour. I woke up before anything hit and felt fine. I wondered if that cold vibrating shudder I had felt was what real fear felt like.

Now, time for today's dream. I was sitting, in my apartment, watching an episode of Family Guy with two of my roommates. We had gotten into an argument with each other over how racist this episode really was. My opinion was that it one of the more racist episodes that I had ever seen, this is besides the point though. Eventually the episode ended, and the two roommates retired to their rooms (one of the roommate's rooms was mine however, odd rearrangements always seem to happen in dreams...the rest of my apartment looked a little odd too come to think of it...ok, I'm getting off topic yet again). I wandered over to my computer to get online, but my screen was different than it usually looked. All I can remember is the gist of what happened, but here's what I got. Apparently there was a nuclear missile silo in dear old Bowling Green (who knew), and as I sat down to my computer, the missile had launched. For some odd reason, my computer was the computer controlling the flight of the missile. I figured this out quick enough, but had no time to understand the controls. I tried to search for a pause button as if this was some sort of video game, however there was none. The tiny marker that was the missile on my screen crashed to the ground, still in Bowling Green. I looked up from my computer screen at my empty living room and my door leading to the outside patio. I figured I should let my roommates know what was up. I screamed "Bye guys!" rather loudly and in a comical tone. I imagine they had a puzzled look on their faces in their rooms as they started to head out to the living room to see what was up, they wouldn't make it far though. Just as the last syllables left my lips I could see out my windowed door to the patio a bright blue flash. Off in the distance this blue wave flew towards the apartment. What began as a deep electric blue became brighter and brighter until it was pure white. Which at that time it smashed into our apartment (and the rest of the state I imagine) and engulfed everything I knew in pure white. I sat at the computer still, or so I thought, and I felt a hum. I wondered for a second, am I dead now? Is this what its like? I felt wonderful, I began to float a bit, seeing nothing, absolutely nothing around in the milky distance. I didn't have a single worry or care. I didn't care that no one was around. I didn't care that I would be alone. Because I felt THAT good. I imagine that what I felt like would be similar to the first time that someone does heroine. It was near out of body, humming, floaty, and warm. I didn't really want it to end. But as I came out of the dream, I realized that I was staring at the white wall of my bedroom, my eyes only a few inches away. It was 1:41 pm, and time for me to go to piano class.

its 9 oclock somewhere

2008-11-14T17:20:00.001-08:00

I'm a lush (I love that word, it really isn't used often enough in my opinion). So on normal days (when I wake up at a normal time) I start to want a drink come around 5 o'clock. This is fine and dandy, I really don't mind waiting, it gives 5 pm a purpose. However, on days when I wake up at an irregular hour, for instance on a weekend, or a day like today where I woke up at 3 pm, I feel that I really should be extending when I have a drink to say, nine o'clock instead of 5. I mean, if I were to have a drink at five, I would have been awake for a grand total of 2 hours, and that's like drinking for breakfast...I'm not that much of a lush...so I wait till 9.

everybodys workin for the weekend

2008-11-13T09:41:00.001-08:00

As you know, I don't have classes on Friday, and I love it. So my weekend starts early, in all of its glory. Here's the funny trend that I've noticed on every Thursday, just as class gets out...Every time, I somehow get "everybodys workin for the weekend" stuck in my head as I'm walking home from class...and honestly, I love it. It always happens. It actually started yesterday for me this week, so I guess I'm just really happy that the weekend is here...for me...in a couple hours...

Hear Ye, Hear Ye, I Am Proud!

2008-11-12T16:17:00.000-08:00

I would like to officially say that I am proud of my apartment. As a collective group we have EXCELLENT taste in breakfast cereal. While there are a few of our staples missing from this group, this is still a nice little group of cereals atop my fridge. They are: Captain Crunch, Reese's Puffs, Cookie Crisp Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Raisin Bran (gotta have something kinda healthy ya know). Pretty solid list if you ask me.

So the only reason that I just fully went through the top of my fridge looking at the cereals is because I just made the munchiest thing I think I ever have concocted; due to having the munchies. Its a piece of bread, with organic peanut butter spread across it, and both cookie crisp and reese's puffs atop it....and yes, it was good...

Bad ways to be woken up

2008-11-12T15:23:00.001-08:00

Just in case you didn't know, I love sleep, especially naps. Naps are like bonus sleep. Naps are the extra credit of the sleep world. So naturally, I don't like getting awoken from naps. I especially don't like it when I'm awoken from a nap wherein I am having a killer dream...Like when I was tickling Amy Poehler...

My other worst way to get woken up from a nap you ask? Oh, that's when I get woken up and am suckered into doing physical labor. This happened today.

Our washing machine at our apt is a piece of garbage. Wait, let me correct myself, it was a piece of garbage. We now have a new, fully functional, not garbage washing machine. Technically our old washing machine is garbage though now...come to think of it.

Anyway, I'm happy to have the new washing machine, but I wasn't happy to be woken up to help lift the old one and someone else's old one onto a truck so that they could be taken away. I'm pretty sure that wasn't in my tenant contract...

Facebook Suggestions

2008-11-11T22:28:00.001-08:00

I'm not facebook's biggest fan. It's a huge time waster and a detriment to our health...I'm not really sure how but I'm positive I could figure out some way to make that plausible. Anyway, despite my typical gripes, Facebook still has it's upsides, like its chat option and the ability to turn the language into "pirate", seriously...try it... But there are still things that need fixing/updating, especially with the new facebook.

First off...click the home button...now click the facebook logo...they take you to the exact same place, so one of them is useless...Next, click profile....and now click your name over on the right side of your top bar...they too take you to the same place...what up with all these duplicates? FIX IT...

Second...I feel like there should be more options when it comes to RSVPing for events. Everyone knows that almost all of the time, 'Maybe' is just a nicer RSVP for 'No'. Here is what the options should be:

-Yes, I am actually coming to this event.
-I really want to come to this event and most likely going to be there.
-I'm gonna try to make it out, but it might not happen.
-Maybe.
-Fuck your couch.

It's that simple, FIX IT.

love, nate

Rise and Shine

2008-11-11T14:42:00.001-08:00

I was up pretty late last night, watching Californication and fooling around on the internet, instead of doing important things like studying etc etc. Actually, I've been up really late the past few nights in a row. Normally I am quite the night owl, however its been worse than usual for some reason. Anyway, I think I finally passed out at like 3:45ish in the morning. I knew it'd be a bitch waking up for my 9:35 class, but oh well, what else could I do?

Fast forward about 3 hours. I wake up, and feel pretty tired, but I figured it was probably getting close to 9 when I would have to wake up and go to class, but I was wrong, wayyy wrong. I looked at the clock and I remember seeing 6 something on it. Now, I imagine a lot of people probably hate waking up to early, because they can't fall back asleep. I'm not one of these people though. I love when this happens, I can always fall back asleep very easily. So I got an extra couple hours of sleep in my own little world.

Now, it was a little different this morning, for some reason I kept waking up every 20 minutes or so, but this didn't bother me, because every time that I did, I realized that I still got to sleep some more, which was awesome. Finally 9 o'clock came, and I woke up for my class, however, I slept in, because sleepy nate decided that this would be an amazing idea. Sleepy nate was right.

It's the moooost wonnderfulll tiiiiime of the yeaaarrrr

2008-11-09T20:06:00.000-08:00

I reached the dairy section of Kroger's while shopping for some groceries, ya know, so I don't starve, and noticed something that made me rather happy. You might just right to Eggnog in your head, however, you are wrong my friend; but, you are close, for what I'm talking about is at least right next to the eggnog. What I am talking about...Is Boiled Custard...Yeah baby, this shit is delicious and much better than eggnog if you ask me, and every time I see it I rejoice, for it is what the gods drink (during the holidays).

After grocery shopping, the roommate and I headed over to the dollar store to check out all the interesting things that would cost us 100 pennies. While checking out, the roommate was asked if he would like to donate a dollar for a toy for unfortunate kids this holiday season. He agreed to, it was nice of him. The cashier thanked him, and then picked up a small stupid little toy and threw it in the donation box. I noticed two things:

First, the toy came from the dollar store.

Second, this was smart. The dollar store was able to capitalize on human kindness to sell their OWN products instead of relying on human need for products, its a win win situation for them seeing as they weren't just taking the dollar that a customer donates and giving it to kids, they were making money on it. Very very smart.

Anyway, it was my time to check out and I normally don't donate to things, except I was in a good mood due to the boiled custard. I decided to meet the dollar store half way. I would donate a dollar for a toy, but I was picking the toy out. I walked over to the toy aisle and picked out a gun that shot these heavy ping pong ball things. It came with four rounds. I brought the toy gun back to the counter and handed it to the lady, she thought it was funny, just like everyone else would. I figured fine...I'll make some little kid's day a bit brighter with a toy, but what I'm really doing, is making up to four kids day a living hell....hehehehehehe....Happy Holidays kid... :)

Things I Like

2008-11-06T09:21:00.001-08:00

I like stuff. Who doesn't? Exactly...Everyone likes stuff! So here's a couple of stuffs that I like.

w00t - Woot is awesome. Here's the deal, Every night at midnight (central time) they sell a different shirt. The shirt was designed by artists who enter a contest to have their design voted for, the most votes wins the production of the shirt. They only sell one shirt a day, and only for 24 hours, then it goes bye-bye. The shirts for sale are also, get this, only ten bucks, and the shipping is free. The shirts are printed on American Apparel shirts; a really good quality and sweatshop free company.

Here's the best part, but it only happens once in a while...Occasionally Woot has a random shirt day. This is where they are clearing out all the extra unsold shirts and sell them for less than 7 bucks a piece. Granted, the price drop is due to the purchaser having no clue what shirt they are going to receive (except for the size, obviously you get to pick that). Either way, you can buy three awesome tees for less than 20 bucks with free shipping. I've bought 15 random shirts and I love every one of them. Worth noting and a funny thing to mention is that I have only ever bought random shirts from Woot. Not once have I actually just bought one shirt, yet I have regretted not buying several. I guess it really comes down to me not being able to pick my own clothes. I'm a child.

While I'm on Woot still, I feel I should mention that they also sell a nifty electronic for a great price every night at 12 as well, which is really really cool.

Now for item 2.

AOL Radio - AOL Radio is amazing. The only reason I stumbled onto it was because I downloaded the new AIM and it came attached to my buddy list. There are places to stream it online also, just in case you aren't a big AIMer. AOL Radio has ~150 channels if I'm not mistaken; so there is PLENTY to choose from. However, I'm gonna rep my favorite stations, which all can be found in the Dance/Electronic section of the radio. Abstract Beats, Ambient, and Disco House. All three of these stations are amazing to just put on and ignore while doing some work or chatting online. When it comes to abstract and ambient, you can feel like you're in a movie as you write a paper, or surf the net...Some of the music they play is just that epic sounding. I highly recommend finding a stream for AOL Radio, or downloading the new AIM so that you can access it. There are so many channels worth listening to that it is unbelievable. Yes, that even includes a Daft Punk station...

Nate

My Favorite Bottle Opener

2008-11-05T22:23:00.001-08:00

People have a favorite when it comes to everything; music, movies, ice cream, sexual positions, blogs (mine)....So naturally people who have bottle openers will have a favorite bottle opener. I do, but here's the catch, it isn't which (in fact its rather boring) bottle opener, its where the said bottle opener is...

"Oh cmon, its definitely in your kitchen, right Nate?" Asks one of my captivated readers.

"Nope, not even close." I answer.

"Ok, how about in your bedroom, that would be a cool place." The reader prodded.

"Nuh uh, not cool enough..." I respond with a sly smile.

"Hmmm, living room? Laundry room? Out on your porch?"

"Nope, Nope, Nope."

I can tell that you simply cannot take the suspense any longer, so I'll just tell you. Its in my bathroom. Yeah, seems crazy at first. Actually, it seems crazy during the middle and end too.

I can't tell you why I have a bottle opener in my bathroom, because I honestly have no clue as to when or why it was put there, but I love it. Whenever I cant find one of the other bottle openers that I or one of my roommates own, I just head to my bathroom, open my little toiletries drawer, and there it always is. It just gives me an odd sense of satisfaction every time I use it.

I suppose that if I had it in my bedroom or somewhere else, but it was always there in my time of need, then I would really love that bottle opener/placement as well. But for some reason my stashed opener of bottles is in my bathroom, and I love it.

Google Analytic Updates

2008-11-01T15:09:00.002-07:00

So a little while back I got Google Analytics to track the traffic on my page. I love it. I check it every day for updates on exactly how popular I am; and slowly but surely, I am getting more and more famous. Here's the update so that you know how famous I am too.

Blogs been visited by 73 unique people and viewed almost 400 times. 15 different states have visited the blog, and 5 countries have visited (US, Canada, Turkey, Croatia, and Switzerland).

This is pretty good, at least I think so. I like that this many people are reading my scribblings. What is nice to figure in is that my tracker only pays attention to visits to my blog on Blogspot, not my ROR pages, which probably gets visited even more.

Lets spread the word, I want all 50 states...Now every country is another story...That is a pretty unrealistic goal...I might be crazy and have a slight case of narcissism, but I'm not delusional...How about we just shoot for all of the English speaking countries...

Also, through the grapevine I found out that there is at least one person who checks my blog consistently for updates. There are people that I know that check my blog alot, but they know me....This is the first person that I've heard of that checks by their self and doesn't even know me...I love it. The only thing I love more than loving myself, is other people loving me.

Finding that out was like the biggest ego boost I've had in months.

ok, now you can smash...

2008-11-01T14:29:00.001-07:00

I don't know what has come over society...all week leading up to friday I've been seeing smashed pumpkins on the street, in lawns, on sidewalks, everywhere...I thought that it was common knowledge to wait until after Halloween to smash people's pumpkins. Where is the respect for my favorite holiday? Cmonnn Bowling Green, show some love.

Oh well...It's November now:

Smash some pumpkins!!!

Mmm Juice

2008-10-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

I'd like to stress the fact that everyone is different, so this may not mean to me what it means to everyone else.

I have figured out a way to tell when you really like someone. Now, first let me say that I'm not talking about like like anymore, I'm talking about reaalllllyyyy liking someone; borderline love. This may seem kinda trivial to some of my readers, but to me it is not.

"Nate, its obvious when you really like someone! You just know it!"

Maybe everyone else's feelings are easily accessible and at the forefront of their minds; however, sometimes mine like to play hide and seek. Because of this I have to look at the clues that my behavior provides, and analyze them that way. So here is the clue that I provided myself a while back...

I poured myself a cup of juice (its good stuff...promise) and immediately reached for my phone and began texting someone...the text read:

"Mmm juice..."

I stared at my phone, contemplating what I was writing and why. It felt like when you're talking to someone while driving and all the sudden you arrive at your destination, and you can't remember the journey.

I thought to myself, "Damn, I must really like this girl" to be sending a text like this. I did, and that's when I knew that I was on the borderline between like and love.

Unfortunately that text was never sent. I realized that while I did really really like the girl, I didn't need to send her a text that only said "Mmm juice".

So, there ya have it. A solid way to tell if you like someone a lot. I'm sure that there are some people who don't agree with this. People who send pointless texts all the time because they're bored or something. I still think this applies to a lot of people though.

I'll have another post coming up soon on how you can tell when you really love someone. I think its a good little aspect that I have...

See ya soon 8)

Pieces of Flair

2008-10-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

Ok, I snapped some pics today from the wreck (yeah, my car is still outside in the parking lot). They came from my camera phone so they aren't the best, but they'll have to do, since I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't have a digital camera. Well, not the only person, I think there might be 3 or four kids in Sudan who don't have one yet. Anyway, I'll try to post the video I took by tomorrow...there's some funny stuff from it I think. So, without further ado! Here, my friends, is the damage.

Broad view with all of my car's pieces of flair...

View of all the anti-freeze and other fluids that leaked out from the car that hit mine...

Close up view of the area that was hit...

And a couple more random angles for ya...

I'll try to have the vid up asap! Oh, and apparently I might be getting a rental car out of this...I'm gonna be pulling for a van...that way I can either take my kids to soccer practice...or kidnap people with my gang of thugs...

EDIT- I forgot to mention that my car was not parked like that...It was parked two spots to the right, facing the front of the curb...The momentum from the other car flung mine around to be in that angle its in now...When I talked to the passenger he guestimated they were going near 80 mph... My jeep could definitely take a hit...

I USED TO drive a blue Jeep

2008-10-29T01:23:00.001-07:00

It is 2:55 a.m. as I am writing this post.

Thirty minutes ago, I crawled into bed after watching some cartoons; which I was indulging in after watching some porn. Not five minutes after getting all cozy under my covers to dream the night away, one of my roommates slowly pushed my door open (my door is rarely closed, so this is normal) and came in.

Roommate: "Uhhh Nate...Do you drive that blue jeep?"
Me: "Yeah, why? What's up?"

I had a sneaking suspicion on what I was about to hear...

Roommate: "Well, uhhh, someone wrecked into it outside..."
Me: "Really? Like...badly? Were they drunk or something?" (This conversation was conducted still under my cozy covers)
Roommate: "Yeah, its pretty bad, there are two guys outside in cuffs, so they're probably drunk."
Me: "Wow...Well, lemme get dressed and I'll come outside and check it out."

Firstly, If you are reading this and thinking that my dialogue sounds too calm for someone who's car has just been wrecked into...You're right...However, I'm not someone, I'm Nate, cool as a cucumber, baby. Except I hate cucumbers and they need to stay the fuck out of my sushi. I'm getting sidetracked.

Anyway, I am generally calm, especially in crazy situations...Except I wasn't just calm, I was almost a little bit excited...Why? Because I've wanted to sell my jeep for a while now, but I haven't since I didn't wanna mess around with fixing it up and dealing with all the paperwork (which I have done wayyy too many times...I get tired of cars really quickly, the jeep was my 5th...). So on my way out the door, I couldn't help but hope that my jeep was totaled all to hell...

I came around the corner to find...That my jeep was hit so hard that it wasn't even in the same parking spot that I had parked in. I cracked up laughing (which I'm pretty sure made the cops think that I was semi looney). I reached the officers and stated "Hmm, this isn't where I left it!". They seemed kinda refreshed that they didn't have to deal with someone who was either freaking out or crying or angry, which was cool. I gave them my info and we talked a bit. Obviously none of this is my fault, so the driver's insurance is going to have to take care of it all. Which means that I'm most likely going to get a new (new to me...not new new) car out of this. Suhweeeet.

I know that this blog is missing one big feature...PICTURES...Well I'm gonna do one better and post VIDEO....and pictures...Hells yeah!

More on this tomorrow. Or today...As for now, I'm wide awake. This is most likely going to cause me to watch more porn, or cartoons, or porn and cartoons...

Sidenote...3 posts in one day? And They're all awesome??? Nate is on FIRE.

Mass Media Gripe

2008-10-28T18:55:00.000-07:00

I've got yet another problem revolving around Mass Media; and this doesn't even have anything to do with me seeing a guy today, who was fully capable of opening doors, using the DAMN HANDICAP BUTTON.

This has to do with the orientation of the chairs and computers inside the lab. Whenever I sit down, it seems like the computer is angled in the perfect direction for me to feel awkward as hell. Who puts the computers at this angle...really...Also, the chairs blow. Well, honestly, they would be ok if the fucking height lever hadn't been broken off almost every single one. Maybe its just me, but I like to feel a little high up when I type. Like I'm on top of the world. Instead of sitting a foot off the floor.

Who the hell is breaking off/stealing the little blue chair height levers? I AM COMING FOR YOU. I am going to find you, get them back, and make Mass Media a joyous place for all who have a chair preference.

Love, Nate

Sidenote: I forgot to mention that the worst thing about the angle of the computers is that they rarely match up with the angle that the keyboard holder thing provides....It's like a drunk monkey installed it.

Global Warming: The Convenient Truth

2008-10-28T09:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it is the middle of the day, the sun is out, and it is effing freezing. This is a huge problem. Where the fuck is global warming when we need it! Ok Ok Ok...I don't even get cold very easily; but I'm not worried about ME for once...What I'm worried about is this.

If it remains this cold until Friday, girls wont dress as slutty for Halloween.

This is a huge problem. If my favorite holiday gets ruined I'm gonna throw a fucking chair. I like to call global warming "The Convenient Truth". So where the FUCK is it? I don't want to see female costumes like "Eskimo", "Middle Eastern Woman", and "Quaker Girl". I want to see "Girl Who Got Locked Out of Her House and Only Has Her Bra and Panties on and Needs to Use My Phone to Call the Locksmith" and "Oops I Forgot to Wear Clothes This Time Girl".

Warm up or I'm moving to the bahamas...I'm warning you bowling green...

Hallowee Rocks The Beeg Info

2008-10-27T11:36:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone, here's the deal:

-10/31/08
-@ Bread and Bagel
-8p.m.-12p.m.
-Live music by Birdswim & Sleeper Agent
-Be in costume for prizes
-Free Candy/Glow Necklaces
-Sleeper Agent's EP Release of "We Got Drunk and Did This"
-$5 Cover

Let em wear what they want

2008-10-20T16:04:00.001-07:00

It was my grandmother's 80th birthday this weekend, and for her present, our family made a huge collage of, well, our family. Hundreds of photos were gathered and put together to make it, so when all the damage was finally done, there were several old photos laying around the house. I looked at all of the old pictures of me and my cousins as we grew up, and we looked pretty stupid. It got me thinking. We should all let our kids embrace whatever fads they want to. Instead of trying to squash the crazy fashions out of them, we should let them do what they want; because if we think they look stupid now, just give it 15 years and we'll really be able to laugh. If we keep them from doing anything interesting, when we look back at the pictures they will seem fairly normal and we'll say "look how nice" or some sort of bullshit instead of having a good laugh.

I choose laughing...

The Necklace (part 2)

2008-10-18T19:48:00.001-07:00

So I ended part 1 of the story here...

I needed (need obviously being a subjective term here) to get Allison to call me, and I had the perfect idea. She had lost the necklace that her father gave her, and fortunately for me, the necklace looked like it would be really easy to recreate if I wanted to. I decided that after school that day, I would go out in search of all the parts needed to recreate the lost necklace, and then I would find some way to get it to her without just handing it to her, so that she would call me. Yes, I'm crazy, I've heard it before and I'm sure I'll hear it again.

I left school that day at about 2:30, and went out in search of amethyst, a chain, and a bezel. It took me like 4-5 stores to find a piece of amethyst. What happened to the old days when you could always find a piece, I remember always playing with chunks of it in stores in the mall and other interesting places. Finally, after visiting several stores I found what I needed. I returned home and began working on putting these pieces together. Let me tell you this now, I am certainly not a jeweler, but I really didn't do that bad of a job.

Ready for the fun part of the story? Its about 9:30 p.m. and I am just finishing my days work. I've been out and about running this errand for seven hours now, with the goal of trying to get Allison to call me. Just as I was putting the finishing touches on the necklace my phone lit up. It was her. I couldn't believe it, it could've been anyone else, why would it have to be her now? I answered and told her that I needed to see her no matter what right then, she was puzzled but agreed. I grabbed the necklace and flew out the door. On the way to her house I didn't hit a single red light and made what would be record time if had recorded how long it usually took me.

I gave her the necklace, and she appreciated it, but she laughed when she realized what I did. That worried me at first, however it was ok. What made her laugh was that she had just found the necklace the other day. What was even funnier was that it wasn't amethyst. It was a type of stone that absorbed the colors around it. She happened to have it on at the moment, paired with a green shirt; the stone of course, seemed green.

So after the entire day's work, I ended up giving Al something she had already. When it comes down to it though, what mattered to me was the timing. When she called it was just the perfect moment to make me think about what happened. Granted, it was all chance, but I still enjoy telling the story.

Newest Celeb Crush

2008-10-17T21:36:00.001-07:00

Move over Tina Fey and Kary Byron (Myth Busters). Well, you don't really need to move over. Simply enjoy the newest member of your club. The club of my celebrity crushes.

So...I have a new celebrity crush. However the term celebrity is loosely used this time. Yes, she is on TV almost once a week, but it isn't really that big of a show, despite how funny it is, and it is a pretty small part. Anyway, the actress who plays "Waitress" (Mary Elizabeth Ellis) on FX's "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" is amazing. She is cute, funny, and has attitude; well, at least she does in the show. Granted, she is an actress, so she could be cute, boring, and possess absolutely no attitude in real life; but there's just something behind those eyes that tells me she is awesome.

I hope she reads this...quite possibly on a day where she might be feeling down and just needs a little pick-me-up...and thinks to herself "Hmm, this is great, what an awesome, funny, obviously sexy guy this 'Nate' is...I think I'm gonna read all of his other blogs...Oh my goodness!!! His thoughts are sexy too!!! I'm going to have his babies..."

Or something like that...

Higher Powers

2008-10-16T22:58:00.000-07:00

I received an interesting text today. Now, let me make this clear, I am not trashing anyone's beliefs in higher powers etc etc, but this is just something that makes me think about the way people...well... think...

Here is the text verbatim:
"Ur not wrong. i do like u. but i do have a bf that i love. some higher power is testing me."

Background:
There's a girl who is in a few of my classes and we've hung out a bit lately working on projects and stuff like that, nothing crazy really. Anyway, I have been my awesome, funny, cool, and collected self. When I do this correctly, girls usually like me. How often do I do it correctly? Not too often. How many girls like me? Not too many really. I think it has something with my appearance, very few girls find me attractive; but those who do, find me rather attractive at least, so that's good. Anyway, since I've been my awesome self, she began to like me, which I figured might happen. Here's the thing, she has a boyfriend. Not a huge problem, I tend to talk only to girls that have boyfriends, judging from my past (future post on this coming soon). What is interesting, is that she never told me until I casually mentioned that I knew (I knew for a little while, I was curious so I checked ole' facebook). I mentioned how we had a decent amount of things in common, and how that if she didn't have a boyfriend she would even actually like me. That's when I got the text from above. Obviously there is one part that stands out to me...The higher power part. Maybe in her eyes there is some higher power testing her. This obviously isn't the case in mine though. To me, I'm just talking and being myself and perhaps flirting a bit. For this to be a case of a higher power being involved, I feel like I would have to have been controlled in my actions in some way, and obviously, I have not. What makes it even better is that I wouldn't have even started talking to her if she hadn't started talking to me first one day in class...Since she started the entire thing, wouldn't that make her the higher power anyway?

I don't know, it gets too murky to continue on this one. It almost feels like trying to prove that you aren't a dream to someone who thinks that they are within a dream instead of waking life. I have my beliefs, and its definitely chance that we met and blah blah blah, not higher powers, but I appreciate others views at least. The best part you ask??? Definitely that I am considered a tool in use by a higher power to test relationships...definitely...

The Joys of Wireless Internet

2008-10-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

I used to have a laptop...then it died...and that sucked. I began to use my backup desktop computer, which was fine. Lately though I have been worried about it, I thought it too was going to perish as well. So I found a new laptop (well, not new, but refurbished, so new to me at least). So once again I have the freedom of being on the internet from anywhere in my apt! I can watch tv and surf, or be in my bedroom and surf, or be in my kitchen and surf. Quite possibly the absolute best though, is that I can be in my bathroom and surf.

This blog was written on a toilet.

Life Begins When?

2008-10-15T15:54:00.001-07:00

I don't really feel like getting into abortion arguments with anyone, since they often get too heated, and while I care about my decision, I don't care enough about it to lose friends over a huge argument. I will say that I am pro-choice though instead of pro-life. I believe that women should have the right to choose, and I think 'anti-choice' is a better term than 'pro-life', but I don't think the pro choice campaign would like that change in names. If you disagree, well, leave a comment! I loooove comments!

Anyway, today's blog has to do with something we were going over in one of my classes. We were talking about social cognition and how people's ideals varied. There were two statements on the board, and our professor said that anyone who chose a side agreed with one of these two statements. The two statements were:

-Life begins at the moment of conception (the pro-life statement)

and

-Life begins at childbirth (the pro-choice statement)

Now, these two statements are fine, I can see how the vast majority would pick one of these statements; but, I'm different (told you). I didn't agree with either of these statements. I have a completely different stance.

Life begins with your very first memory.

I don't remember being in a womb, or being born for that matter, so obviously if I had been terminated, I wouldn't have cared. When I finally gained conscious thought and the ability to remember, that is when my life (and everyone else's in my opinion) began. So basically, life began for me at around 3 years of age on a rainy day when I was climbing into our car wearing a cute little rain coat with my friends next door to go somewhere. So to me, nothing mattered before then, including whether or not I had been aborted.

Yeah, I know, weird opinion...Well, that's how I roll...

Blog Variance

2008-10-15T09:15:00.001-07:00

So I just broke 30 posts (crazy isn't it?)(time flies when you rock), and it got me thinking on what exactly my blog is, and I have no clue to tell you the truth. The only real running theme that links my scribblings together is that they were all written by me.

So here's a wrap up of the variety of things that I've written about (if you call it writing, I suppose rambling might be a better word).

-My influences
-Being a psych major
-Purchasing strange items
-Wearing jeans for TOO LONG
-High school romance (at least one part...part 2 coming, promise)
-Old friends
-Gambling on porn
-Hating Sororities
-Accidental stalking
-Taking advantage of baptists
-Rummaging through trash
-AIM greetings
-Dreaming about tickling a SNL cast member
-Breaking into my own apt
-Amazing panties
-Chipotle' being a poor excuse for a Mexican restaurant...they're a MexiCANT restaurant come to think of it...
-Amazingly stupid Pop-Up ads
-Cutting off lazy people's arms
-Improving everyone's text life (get it? I'm funny)
-Phantom Vibrates
-Huffing Dust-Off
-Playing with Google Analytics
-Improving everyone's sex life (yes, sex life this time...well, oral at least)
And last but not least
-Raising kids

There are a few other random little blogs here and there within the mix of posts that might be a bit similar to other posts, but I would say I'm not doing too bad on the variety of my blog...24 definitely different postings out of 31 total posts ain't too shabby if you ask me.

So my blog is crazy, just remember that you can count on that. Keep comin back and I promise to keep you entertained. As for what the future holds for my blog, well, I've got absolutely no clue. Stick around.

Pornoisseur

2008-10-14T23:33:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I was watching some porn (this is typical) and noticed something that I never thought I would ever notice...ever. First off, I've seen a lot of porn in my day, having a high speed internet connection and a decent computer spawned a nice little addiction for a 14 yr old boy. Also, I should mention that there is a certain memory when it comes to porn that I have noticed; you obviously start to remember things you've seen, even when you've seen thousands of them, girls for example, and things like positions, bras, panties, even the guys. There's nothing cooler than seeing a porn from when you were younger that is still floating its way around the net, its like running into an old friend, and then coming on them.

I digress (this happens a lot doesn't it?). What did I notice in the porn just now? I noticed the house. The frigging house. I have seen a porn that was shot in this house before. Dead serious, and I'm damn sure it was the same house, take my word for it. Different girl, different guy, but same effing house! Honestly, I'm not sure why more porn isn't shot in this house, its like it was built for porn; white marble everywhere, crazy furniture, the works... Some sort of crazy baller must live in this house, its stunning. Wait, a pornstar probably lives there, yeahhhh that'd make sense.

I seriously don't know what to think of this...

Underwear

2008-10-14T22:06:00.000-07:00

I was in my stats class and we were compiling a survey that had completely unrelated components. Why? Who cares? This isn't a blog about stats...its a blog about underwear...wait...nevermind. Anyway, people kept giving their numbers out to be compiled into the survey (yes out loud) and every time a guy would give a response our professor mentioned something about the guy being wrong or having lost a pair or found a pair and making a little joke. I wasn't following...

Eventually a guy called out "15 pairs" and our prof was elated that a male had a correct amount. I still was flabbergasted. I leaned over to a girl to ask what was up, and she told me that the guy called out the first number that was divisible by 3. Wtf? Then she continued on with "all guys underwear comes in 3 packs".

Amazed was I. For 21 years of m life I have either bought or received underwear and never once noticed that every single pack was a 3 pack. Yet when it was mentioned today it all came back to me, at least all of my underwear package opening experiences. They do come in threes! My eyes have been opened. Anyway, it just kinda makes ya wonder what kind of other things we never notice until they're brought right in front of our eyes.

Btw, on a stop light...is the green light or the red light on top....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

Everybody loves me...

2008-10-14T21:37:00.000-07:00

I’ve been a smidge down the past weekish or so. Not for any huge reason except for that every time that I would click my phone to see if I had missed a call or if someone had sent me a message there would only be my contact list (that’s what pops up when I click and there’s no messages/calls/anything). I’d then jokingly say “Awww, no one loves me….” Don’t worry, I would be kidding when I said it, its ok, obviously people love me, its just a slump in the message world, it happens. So there has been a significant lack of contact lately, now that you’re all caught up…

I was taking a make-up exam today and was in my own little private room to do so (it was quite nice I might add), so the professor wasn’t around much really. Murphy’s law decided to act up like she always does…And I started getting texts and calls out the ass. Go figure. I thought to myself how just the other week I would’ve killed for all these messages and calls, and now all I was thinking was holy crap…why do so many people need me now? Don’t get me wrong, I still loved it, I just needed to finish my test and I wasted the first 15 minutes already dicking around on my phone.

Either way, people contacted me, which was great…and I love that when I don’t get contacted, my button has my contact list as the option…I guess that’s what its really all about; contact.

Raising Kids

2008-10-14T19:40:00.001-07:00

This is quite possibly the perfect post to follow a blog about stellar blowjobs.

I was walking to class and had to pause when I smelled a familiar smell. Every once in a while the smell of something outdoors reminds me of my perennial childhood vacations to Hilton Head Island. I've spent 18 weeks (once a year) of my life on that island, and in the same neighborhood even; so obviously smells, sights, and all sorts of memories are lodged up in the ole' noggin. It got me thinking about how much I enjoyed my childhood, especially when I was in HH. I then realized that if I'm able to, I would love to find a place just like Hilton Head to bring my kids (hypothetically) to that would produce the same environment for growth blah blah.

I continued onward with this train of realizations and it led me to a thought that often comes across my mind; I'm awesome. The way that I think about things and go about this world I feel is unique. Granted, this could be completely wrong and I am just the same as everyone else, but since there is no way to argue this point we'll just leave it alone. So, since I'm awesome (go ahead, try to argue that I'm not...) and I would obviously want my kids to be awesome, then I should obviously try to mimic the way that I was raised. Well, here's the thing; my childhood wasn't normal...parents split at 4 years of age, conflicting households, more weird family, all sorts of crazy shit going on. Lets go back to the parents split though. When I realized that I wanted to create the same environment to raise my kids in, and thought about my parents, I realized that I actually did want to raise my kids by myself...well...not by myself, but ya know, split, away from my spouse to recreate correctly my childhood.

It hit me how odd that is. I mean, who really wants to raise kids by themselves? Isn't the norm to find a wife/husband marry/have kids/ blah blah and at least attempt to not get a divorce and have the nuclear family??? Even wolves have packs...

I dunno, maybe the norm isn't so normal, that's definitely true, but still, wanting to raise kids by yourself I think still may count as weird.

The ONLY TWO characteristics you must posess to be an amazing giver of blowjobs.

2008-10-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

This is my gift to mankind.

So, you were curious enough to click this find out what it takes to give an amazing blowjob...are you ready? When it comes down to it, giving some stellar head comes down to only TWO things. Yes, only two, believe it or not; and here's the best part, neither one of the characteristics I'm gonna relay to you have a single lick to do with skill or talent. So, without further ado, here they are:

1. Enthusiasm- Thats right, you heard me. If you are enthusiastic about sucking some dick, that amplifies the experience 10 fold for the guy. Let me put it this way...say your boy's favorite TV show is ER; well, if you actually enjoy ER as well, that makes watching ER 10 times better when he is watching it with you. Nothing is better than shared enthusiasm. So this correlates to your cunning tongue-ing. A bj may not be a favorite TV show, but I can gaurentee you that it's one of his favorite PARTS OF LIFE. So, get excited, and guess what, you don't have to actually be excited about it, you just have to pretend to be. If you're willing to do it, then be willing to do it with joy (whether feigned or for real). Hey, its acting, pretend you're on the silver screen...or a computer monitor...

2. Variety- Mhmmm. In my opinion this is the most overlooked aspect of knobslobbing. Girls often suck themselves into a rut when it comes to the deed, simply doing the same thing over and over, again and again. Guess, what, as good as it may feel, it is fucking boring. Don't get me wrong, you will never see me turn down a blowjob, even if its unvaried...but you aren't here to be a mediocre domer, are you? No, you want to make some toes curl. So switch it up! Vary things like speed of stroking, hands, no hands, places (yeah, there's more than just the head of the cock, work the shaft, work the balls...ya know what, just make sure that everything has been covered in your saliva by the time you are done and you'll be doin' jussst fiiiine). Make sure to be varying in your techniques, this is the most important aspect that you need to know anyway.

So now you have learned the only two things that you need to know when it comes to an having orgasmic head game. Go earn yourself some jewelry...a new necklace perhaps (preferably pearl).